Listen Beyond What You Already Know

Four years after a conversation with a high school junior, I received an email from him out of the blue. He thanked me for that conversation and the profound impact it had on him.

In this student’s 11th grade year, he took my Physics course. It was only a week or so into class when he started putting his head down on his desk and falling asleep.

After class, I asked him what was going on. Was he getting enough sleep? Was my class boring? Was he not into the topic?

This was a foreign exchange student, and he told me that he already took Physics in China, so he knew all of the content already.

One of my favorite aspects of teaching is that I’m constantly exploring greater depths of the fundamental content we uncover in class. And there are ALWAYS greater depths to explore and a greater understanding to develop.

I told him that about myself, and I challenged him to keep his mind open:

• to see deeper than he's seen before

• to find gold in topics he already “knows”

In fact, those times when we think we know everything there is to know - about a topic, a person, a view, or even ourselves - our mind closes off, and curiosity, exploration, and wonder become impossible.

Four years later and that conversation was still impacting that student.

We do this in our life ALL the time. Once we learn a little bit about something, we pack it away in our minds as covered territory and we're no longer curious about it.

We do this to the people in our lives: we think we already know them, so we stop really listening to them and trying to get to know them. We treat people - MOST people - as if they’re simple layovers until we get to our real destinations.

Family, colleagues, neighbors, students, and clients - we treat them like stepping stones between destinations.

We no longer see our neighborhoods. We no longer see our furniture, pictures, or vehicles. All of it gets categorized as the things we know and no longer need to explore.

We become certain about the people, places, and things in our lives.

And where there is certainty, there is no possibility.

I invite you, dear reader, to stop being so damn certain about the people and conversations in your life. Listen for the gold in them and what they’re saying - it’s there.

That person you live with - what if there are depths to them that you’ve NEVER explored?

That person you work with - what if your knowledge about them only scratches the surface of who they really are and aspire to be?

That conversation you’ll be in a little later - what if it is the most important conversation you could be in?

This is what it is to listen, to really listen. Listening means hearing beyond what you already know.

Trust me: there are dimensions of beauty, insight, and understanding that will shatter the boxes you keep putting others into.

This type of unconditioned, unlimited, and unconventional listening is likely the greatest gift and honor we can give anyone in our lives.

And in those depths of heightened awareness, you might just find greater depths of yourself too.

Thank you so much for reading. 🙏❤️

P.S. As a transformational coach, I help people and organizations move beyond their self-imposed limitations to be their best and feel amazing. If you’re interested in finding out how I can support you or your organization, reach out and let’s talk. 💌

The Grossest (And Most Powerful) Homework Ever

Was I seriously going to do this?! Wipe off someone else’s mess from a toilet seat in a public restroom?!

In my mid-20s, I spent 18 months as a participant and then coach of an intense leadership development program. We were a couple months into the program when given one of the most powerful homework assignments (and certainly the grossest!) I’ve ever had:

“Leave every bathroom you use cleaner than it was when you entered.”

We were to practice this assignment for the next two months!

I could see some value in the assignment right away, but I had no idea how powerful it would be to actually practice it.

The bathrooms in our row house in Baltimore. The bathrooms at family and friends’ houses. The bathrooms in restaurants and malls and other public places. The portable bathrooms at outdoor events…

I did the assignment for those two months, and when the time came to celebrate the end of the two months, I somewhat surprisingly found myself continuing to do it.

17 years later, and I’m still leaving every bathroom I enter just a bit cleaner.

There was a handful of years in there that I forgot about the assignment. I did what normal people do: I used the bathroom and left.

Then something happened a few years ago: I reawakened to who I am as a Leader in the Transformation of Humanity.

I stand for a world that works for ALL Life. A world where ALL people access and empower their innate capacity to thrive no matter the circumstances. A world where the human spirit can soar for ALL people.

You see, I stopped leaving the bathrooms cleaner when I forgot who I am and what my life is for. I used the bathroom without much thought for anyone else or how the cleanliness of the space would subconsciously impact others.

That’s why I’ve gone back to the assignment, and it’s one of my most powerful daily practices.

Anyone can talk the talk, but leaders walk the walk. Leaders model. Leaders act with integrity. Leaders embody those traits that they stand for.

True leadership is not about followers, domination, manipulation, or control. Leadership is about making a difference.

Leadership is a state of being, it’s not a title.

The thing is, we’re ALL leaders whether we see it or not and whether we admit it or not. We are parents, siblings, friends, colleagues, teachers, coaches, and teammates, and all these roles are begging us to be leaders - they're begging us to make a difference.

If I am truly committed to a world that works for all life, where the human spirit can soar for all people, then tidying up is the most important job I have as I wrap up using that bathroom.

In what simple (and perhaps off-the-wall) ways can you honor your particular vision of a world that works?

Thanks so much for reading. 🙏❤️

P.S. As a transformational coach, I help people and organizations move beyond their self-imposed limitations to be their best and feel amazing. If you’re interested in finding out how I can support you or your organization, reach out and let’s talk. 💌

Tired of Selling Out for the Ordinary?

A client of mine is doing miraculous work in his relationships with his family.

Every little thing that happens - he’s learning to see ALL of it as a gift.

The kids are fighting? That’s a gift.

The kids won’t listen? That’s a gift.

He’s feeling frustrated and disrespected? That’s a gift.

However you think that looks or sounds, here’s the truth of it: my client is becoming an extraordinary father, and it's miraculous to witness.

You see…

It’s ordinary to get frustrated.

It’s ordinary to feel disrespected.

It’s ordinary to manipulate others to get what we want.

It’s ordinary to react from our emotions and leave casualties in our wake.

How else the ordinary shows up in our lives:

• Gossiping

• Complaining

• Judging

• Stressing

• Working for the weekend

• Avoiding discomfort

• Not getting back to people

• Indulging our urges

• Distracting ourselves from important work

• Looking for backdoor exits from our commitments

Here’s what people who work with me have in common: they’re tired of the ordinary.

When we’re ordinary, we sell out on ourselves and others. We sell out on what we’ve committed to. We sell out on our values. We sell out on what’s possible. We settle for the known discomfort of what’s probable.

Something else is possible, and it begins with our willingness to move beyond our habits of being ordinary.

Thanks so much for reading. 🙏❤️

P.S. As a transformational coach, I help people and organizations move beyond their self-imposed limitations to be their best and feel amazing. If you’re interested in finding out how I can support you or your organization, reach out and let’s talk. 💌