Hijacked by Our Inner Toddler

Much of our lives is spent reacting to our preferences: avoiding the things we don’t like and seeking the things we do like.

This includes people too. There are people we don’t like very much, so we either avoid them or put up with them. Then there’s the people we do like and we try to be around them.

Of course, around the people we do admire, we often wonder how we fit into their preferences. Do they like us, or would they rather not be around us???

So we spend our lives reacting to our own preferences and trying to fit well into other people’s preferences.

But why? Why does it matter to us whether we like something or not, or whether someone else likes us or not? It’s as if there’s some driving force behind this system that keeps it going from when we were young to when we get old…getting what we like…avoiding what we don’t like.

A hint at what our preferences are about can be seen in our "triggers." We get triggered when something pushes up hard against our preferences. And triggers are all about being okay...When we're triggered, we don't think we're okay.

So our preferences aren't actually about getting what we want and avoiding what we don’t want. Our preferences are about us being okay.

When a kid is scared or worried, one of the go-to phrases out of adults’ mouths is, “It’s going to be okay.” Even if it’s really scary, dangerous, or painful right now, we somehow know that we will feel better if we know that everything is going to be okay.

Somewhere along the way, though, we bought into a story that we can’t or shouldn’t be okay unless we get what we like and avoid what we don’t like. Our minds and spirits have been hijacked by a toddler!!

We as adults still want to know that everything is going to be okay too. We just don’t have someone holding us and telling us that quite as often.

We all want to be okay, and we think the solution is getting the universe to align with our preferences.

How can I be positive when the weather is like this? How can I be kind to her when she talks to people like that? How can I feel good about myself when I look like this?

Well, it's kind of obvious, but the universe doesn't give a crap about our preferences! It doesn't care whether we get what we like or avoid what we don't like.

That’s part of my job as a coach - to remind people that they’re okay and they’re going to be okay. You can stop wondering if you’re getting it right. You can stop worrying if you’re going to make it or not. You can forgive your mistakes, let go of your self-judgment, and start showing up from here, right where you are, as your best.

What would life be like if we weren’t so attached to our preferences? What if instead of needing our preferences met, we were able to be free, empowered, and effective at what we’re really committed to and really after?

A whole new world of possibility opens up to us when we stop caring about our preferences and start caring about fulfilling what we’re really committed to and passionate about.

In a way, we could call this simply trading our small and insignificant preferences for larger and more impactful preferences. Great. Trade away. Comfort the inner toddler that wants to get its way, and then go be an adult and make a positive impact on the world.

Thanks so much for reading. 🙏❤️

P.S. As a transformational coach, I help people move beyond their self-imposed limitations to live their best lives and feel amazing. If you’re interested in finding out how I can support you, reach out and let’s talk. 💌

Soul Gardening: Right Now

If you want an apple tree, plant an apple seed.

If you want an oak tree, plant an oak seed.

If you want a dogwood tree, plant a dogwood seed.

If you want love in your relationships, plant love seeds.

If you want ease and calm, plant seeds of ease and calm.

If you want enjoyment, plant fun seeds.

If you want fulfillment, plant fulfilling seeds.

Our future - every single moment of it - emerges from this moment. What are you planting?

Here. Right now. Exactly where you are. What are you committed to growing in your life?

Plant seeds now.

In my work as a life coach, I help people clear from their minds, hearts, and actions the clutter of weeds, debris, and detritus that’s built up over the years:

• Limiting stories and judgments about ourselves and others.

• Default ways of thinking and being that hold us back and dishonor our core values.

• Decisions and problem-solving processes that much younger versions of ourselves put together that we still allow to run the show.

In other words, my work with people is soul gardening. We get in touch with what we really want to grow in our lives, then we clear out the mental, emotional, and spiritual space necessary to grow it.

Then, we get to work planting seeds.

Seeds of passion, ease, and enjoyment. Seeds of love, calm, and generosity. Seeds of compassion, connection, and creativity.

What are you committed to growing in your life? What kinds of seeds must you plant to grow it?

Whether we intend to or not, we've been planting a forest our whole lives. How different might this forest be if we got intentional about the seeds we're planting?

The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is Right Now.

If you’re looking for a master soul gardener to support you on this path, reach out and let’s see what working together might look like.

Thanks so much for reading. 🙏❤️

P.S. As a transformational coach, I help people move beyond their self-imposed limitations to live their best lives and feel amazing. If you’re interested in finding out how I can support you, reach out and let’s talk. 💌

“All that exists is the seed of what will emerge from it.”

Marcus Aurelius

No One Is Worthy of This

No one is worthy of my judgment, and everyone is worthy of my love.

It's so easy to judge.

We're so quick to do it.

We're so practiced at it.

We're so good at it!

Did you know that we use judgment as a means to keep ourselves safe? Physically, psychologically, socially, and emotionally. Judgment is a technique we use to protect ourselves.

The thing is, most of us aren't in danger as much as our primitive brains think we are.

Yet we continue feeding our relationships with judgmental resentment.

We feed our minds with limiting self-judgments.

We feed our actions with resignation and cynicism based on some judgment of how things are, how they aren't, how they used to be, and how they should be.

And we do all of that to keep ourselves safe from a tiger that isn't there.

Even my own kids - gorgeous, compassionate, and much more generous than I have been most of my life - I can be so judgmental of them sometimes.

Judgment has no place in making a difference with others. Kids are not worthy of any of it - adults aren't worthy of it either.

No one is worthy of my judgment, and everyone is worthy of my love.

Every. Single. Time. that I transform my judgments into love, I elevate my state of being and more positively impact the people in my life.

Our judgments are gateways to love. We don’t have to “overcome” our judgments. We certainly don’t want to judge them. Turning our judgments into opportunities to love is our access to peace, freedom, joy, and empowerment.

Am I being judgmental, or am I being loving? I can't be both at the same time.

What impact might it have on your life if you were able to turn even just some of your judgments into love?

Thanks so much for reading. 🙏❤️

P.S. As a transformational coach, I help people move beyond their self-imposed limitations to live their best lives and feel amazing. If you’re interested in finding out how I can support you, reach out and let’s talk. 💌