If Only You Saw It My Way

You probably know the story of the blind men and the elephant... 

A strange animal, an elephant, is brought to town. A group of blind people go to the animal to figure out what it’s like.

One of them feels the elephant’s tail and says, “An elephant is like a rope!”

Another feels the elephant’s leg and says, “No, an elephant is like a tree!”

A third feels the elephant’s trunk and adds, “Whoa! An elephant is like a snake!”

This story is around 4,000 years old and has shown up in multiple cultures. Why??

Because we ALL live as if we’re the ones who see things as they really are. 

You see it all objectively, exactly as it is, don’t you?!?!

Of course you do! So do I. ALL of us live as if what we’re seeing is the way it is.

This weather is bad! My boss is a beast! This really isn’t fair! I’m angry but it is justified!

And so it goes through our lives. We befriend the people who see things (or at least pretend to) the way we do. We divorce those people who can't see it any way but their own.

We see it the right way, and we're certain about it (at least in the moment, how we're being about it.)

Where there is certainty, there is no possibility. 

And we use our certainty to let ourselves off the hook.

It’s my wife’s fault, so there’s no way I can be more loving.

It’s covid’s impact on young people, so there’s nothing I can do about student behavior in the classroom. 

It’s poor leadership, so there’s nothing I can do except watch the ship sink.

I had a shitty childhood, so there’s nothing I can do about my own happiness.

I used to speak one of my daily self-creation statements like this:

"I am a leader in the transformation of humanity. I am creating a world that works for all life."

And while, to me, that’s a powerful statement, I realized that I am in no way creating such a world on my own. Instead, I’m co-creating it with others - always.

Every conversation and every interaction is a co-creation. I'm seeing a version of you in my mind, you're seeing a version of me, and together we're creating a version of something between us. And we each see each other and that thing between us a little differently.

Whether we like it or not, we’re in this together. When we start acting like it with integrity and compassion, we’ll give each other a lot more grace than we currently do. And with grace, space, respect, and honor we’ll really get moving somewhere together.

“I am co-creating a world that works for all life.” This is a daily reminder to let loose my grip on how I see things and be willing to give others more room.

Anything can be created in language, and anything can be cleaned up in language. It begins with the willingness to see more than the default perspective we walk around with.

Thanks so much for reading. ❤️

This, God, or Something Better

Maybe you’ve heard this story before…

A woman gets a new dog from the shelter. On their first walk to the lake together, she wonders if he can swim. So she nervously takes out a tennis ball and tosses it into the water.

Immediately the dog runs to the ball - he runs right across the top of the water!

She’s in shock. She's in disbelief. What the…

The dog returns the ball, and she tosses it into the water again to see if she’s simply seeing things. Again the dog runs across the surface of the water, dips his snout into the water, grabs the ball, and returns it. 

“This is amazing!” she says. “I need to show someone else!”

“Can you spare a minute to check out what my dog can do?” she says to a hiker passing by.

With the hiker watching, she tosses the ball into the water again.

Just like before, the dog runs across the surface of the water, dips his snout into the lake, and returns the ball. The woman excitedly looks at the expressionless hiker. 

Strange, she thinks, the hiker doesn’t seem to be surprised…

So she tosses the ball in again, and again, and again, and the hiker just stares. 

Finally, she says to the hiker, “Do you notice anything strange about my dog?”

The hiker looks at her and says, “Yes! There is something strange about your dog - he can’t swim!”

We’re surrounded by beauty and resources - we’ve got trees, water, air, food, family, and friendship. We’ve got clothes for all weather. We've got each other.

You and I, we’re spinning on a big ball of dirt in the nothingness of space. As far as we can tell so far, there’s no other life out there. It's as if we’re living in a special garden all our own in the vastness of the universe. An Eden, perhaps...

Yet most of us spend our days wishing things were different, wanting something that we don’t have, fearing illusions, complaining about others, ourselves, our country, our world. For most of us, if we didn't have something to long for, judge, fear, or complain about, we wouldn't know what to do with ourselves!

We’re living our lives watching a dog running on water, yet all we can see is that he can’t swim.

We don’t see all things. We aren’t all-knowing. We’re not all-powerful. 

To me, this is part of the gift of being human: we get to be surprised and awed by all the little and big beautiful gifts that are happening ALL around us, ALL the time.

But only if we’re open to it. Otherwise, we’ll just see our own judgments and complaints reflected back to us in a dog that can't swim.

A friend taught me a powerful prayer a few months back. In prayer, if she asks for anything, she adds “this or something better for the Highest Good of all concerned.”

It’s not a problem to want things, but we often don't know what’s best for us and others.

My friend's prayer, which I've adopted as my own, is an admission that while I may sometimes see only a dog that can't swim, I'm open and committed to seeing beyond that perspective to a beautiful world of possibility beyond it.

Two lines from my daily self-creation process reflect this commitment:

I see beauty in everything. I create incredible value from all life's experiences.

My wish for you, me, and everyone else, dear reader, is that we grow in our willingness and capacity to see beauty, good, love, and possibility in ALL things, especially those people and situations that initially bring up fear, insecurity, frustration, judgment, and complaint.

It doesn't mean we condone. It means we're willing to see beyond the façade.

Thanks so much for reading. ❤️

P.S. There are three ways you can support yourself by working with me: one-on-one coaching, the Mind Mastery Experience happening on April 7, and hiring me to work with your team, group, or organization. Connect with me when you’re ready. 💌

Black Belt Moments

Every Tuesday night, every Thursday night, and every Saturday morning - for 5 years - I trained with my teacher in the studio. On the off-days, I trained on my own. We trained in Hapkido, a Korean martial art.

Holding my black belt the first time, I was present to the accomplishment of my years of intentional training. I was also present to the fact that I was still just a beginner!

The story of the martial arts belt reflects this feeling:

Beginners wear a white belt. The belt is clean and new.

As beginners learn and train, the belt darkens with their experience - dirt, sweat, and blood. The belt turns shades of yellow and then brown. Eventually, with enough years of training, the belt is so worn and stained that it’s black. Hence, the black belt symbolizes mastery.

Then an interesting thing happens.

As the training continues, the black surface frays, and eventually the black outer layer of the belt falls away to reveal another layer of white beneath.

The master is at a new level of being a beginner.

You see, mastery is an endless process. It’s a mountain without a top. It’s a journey with no destination.

When we’re on the path to mastery in life, there are some achievements to highlight levels of mastery, but there usually isn’t a single moment where we’ve earned the “black belt.” Instead, on our path to mastery, we have black belt moments.

Black belt moments don't come when our circumstances are perfect and everything is going exactly as we want.

Instead, black belt moments show up in how we relate to our circumstances, particularly when they're challenging.

In other words, every breakdown we experience is an opportunity for a breakthrough. 

We're always in training, and black belt moments are the result of black belt training.

Have more black belt moments in the areas of your life that matter: put in more black belt training.

Thanks so much for reading. ❤️

P.S. There are three ways you can support yourself by working with me: one-on-one coaching, the Mind Mastery Experience happening on April 7, and hiring me to work with your team, group, or organization. Connect with me when you’re ready. 💌