The View from a New Understanding

I was 16 years old and sitting in the second row of Mr. Conrad’s physics course when it happened: insight struck me, my awareness expanded, and the universe has never looked the same.

Like most of Mr. Conrad’s demonstrations, his monkey hunter demo failed to work at the beginning of class. Still, in that same lesson, math, physics, and my experience coalesced into a new view of literally everything. I didn’t necessarily understand the specific details of the universe much better than I had the moment before, yet I could never lose awareness of that synergistic commingling of topics that can describe so much of the world I saw and knew about.

When we’re faced with challenges, setbacks, or disappointments in life, mostly we seek strategies or advice that we can apply to the situation for an improvement. The problem is that strategies and advice are often like getting help to solve a specific physics problem without understanding physics well enough to solve problems more broadly. The advice might help a bit in a specific problem, but it’s back to square one when we get to the next problem.

We don’t need new strategies and advice. We need new understanding.

This week I opened up registration into two two-week summer workshops:

• Level Up: Essential Tools to Thrive in Young Adulthood and Beyond (ages 17-22)

• Win at Adulthood: Tools We Should’ve Learned Years Ago (ages 23+)

In these workshops, participants won’t simply leave with advice and strategies that they could read in a book or hear about on a podcast. Instead, each participant will leave with a new understanding of themselves and life itself. This understanding will open unforeseen doorways to greater clarity, peace of mind, integrity, and effectiveness.

Join one of these workshops with me and see what life’s challenges look like from a new understanding. Trust me, the view is great.

By the way, there will also be tips and strategies too. 😉

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Relax! (Seriously.)

My friend (let's call her Lucy) was having a tough time managing work and home life. Prior professional failures, present money challenges, and varying future goals from her spouse occupied her thoughts while she was at work and when she returned home. She followed trains of thought as they travelled ever onward, and she just couldn't seem to unlock a creative solution that she knew was just an idea away. She wasn't paying as much attention to her spouse as she’d like, and she wasn't experiencing as much effectiveness at work or at home as she knows she’s capable of.

And she was stressed - not terribly, not unmanageably, but certainly uncomfortably.

This description may fit many of us. Consistent and uncomfortable levels of stress, varying levels of resignation, and cynicism in place of hope. Yet we’re all doing well enough, and we’re all doing the best we can given the circumstances of life. It’s the human condition to experience struggle, learn to accept our limitations, and find happiness and fulfillment in only those occasional moments. Right?

Lucy and I took a break from talking to share in a brief, 4-minute meditation. This meditation (similar to the one at the end of this post) is a way of checking in with our physiology as well as our thinking, and it tends to have a calming effect on at least some of our anxious or stressed feelings. We both felt more relaxed afterward, and she said it felt good and that she needs to do that more often. She realized how preoccupied - how un-present - she had been, and she said she wants to be more present.

But present to what?

You see, we are always and only ever present. There’s actually no other time for us to be except in this moment, present. So it’s not that we want to be more present; it’s that we want to be present to more than our own thinking.

Our breath is always with us, our hearts continue beating, and we can slide our awareness within and over every square inch of our body without even moving a muscle. Often by exploring this always-available aspect of our existence, our physical sense, we find ourselves more grounded than our thinking can likely allow on its own.

Instead of thinking our way through uncomfortable or undesired feelings, what if we instead feel our way through those feelings to greater clarity and peace of mind? Lucy, for instance, didn't need to figure life out in order to relax; she needed to relax and give creative thinking room to arise.

When we get present to more than just our own thinking, our breathing slows, our stress begins to dissipate, and we enjoy life a bit more. This calmer, more open feeling is an expansion of our awareness; in that space our creativity awakens, inner wisdom can be heard more clearly, and we realize there's nowhere else we need to get.

I could tell Lucy was now ready to hear the really good news, especially in the face of so much that she’s felt she’s had to manage lately: all we ever need to do is relax, settle into our own feeling of well-being, and we'll more effectively handle anything that comes up.

I know, I know. It's never helpful to be told, usually with annoyance, to "Relax!!" But what if that's exactly what we could do in those situations to unlock insight, ease, and love?

If you’re interested in spending time with me this summer to explore and access your own innate capacity for peace of mind, enjoyment, and effectiveness, consider registering for one of the two programs that I'm super excited to be offering:

• Level Up: Essential Tools to Thrive in Young Adulthood and Beyond (ages 17-22)

• Win at Adulthood: Tools We Should’ve Learned Years Ago (ages 23+)

Thanks so much for reading. ❤️

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Thanks for joining me on this exploration/reflection! If you'd like to receive blog updates via email twice weekly, be sure to subscribe here.

My Actions Are On Me

When bigger, possibly devastating or traumatic events occur, it's a good idea to seek support from friends, family, and possibly counselors for our well-being. In our day-to-day normal circumstances of living, however, we have much more agency to manage the stressors and triggers that seem able to arise in every context.

On the one hand, it’s all pretty automatic, so I am not really responsible for my emotional reactions to what’s happening. There’s neurology, biology, and billions of years of evolution involved in converting my interpretation of what’s happening into an emotion that I experience. Stuff can be triggering.

On the other hand, I am 100% responsible for my emotional reactions. Who else really should be? It’s my interpretation that flares my emotions, so I'm at least in some way part of the triggering mechanism. It’s not what’s happening that flares my emotions, but how I interpret what's happening.

It doesn’t usually feel this way, though. It really seems that what’s happening out there is causing these emotions to arise in here. Regardless, how I act in the face of these emotions is undeniably on me.

And this is really good news. In fact, having agency is the definition of freedom and power. How we respond to what’s happening out there and how we respond to the emotions we’re experiencing in here is ours to master.

So a few questions arise: how do we access our innate capacity to be agents in our lives? How do we thrive in the face of external and internal adversity? How can we optimize our experience to maximize enjoyment, ease, and effectiveness while having the type of positive impact on others and the world that we’re committed to?

It doesn’t take years of study, special genes, the best income, the right spouse, or the perfect body. The natural state of our body and mind is a state of well-being. There’s no where else to get, there’s nothing else to do, and there’s no one else to be. We’ve been carrying with us the treasure, the goal, and the destination since our beginning.

Our temperament, our conditioning, and our upbringing do impact how far we may seem to be from awakening to this innate capacity for well-being and agency. It's still there though, and it always has been.

All there is to do is awaken to our innate well-being. Once there, inner wisdom becomes much more audible.

When you find yourself feeling stressed, upset, or insecure, take these steps:

1. Get grounded in the present moment.

Pause a moment, take a breath, and get present to what’s happening within and outside your body: thoughts, sensations, and emotions. You don’t need a meditation class, a sauna, or a yoga workshop (though all those help!). I mean right now, get present to what’s actually happening in your experience.

2. Act from choice and not from a default or conditioned emotional reaction.

Align your actions with your created intentions. In every moment we’re fulfilling on one intention or another anyway, so be specific about which intentions you’re honoring. Being kind vs. being right. Being patient vs. being rushed. Being grateful vs. being annoyed. Being joyful vs. being pessimistic. And so on.

Thanks for reading, and I hope you have great day. ❤️

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Thanks for joining me on this exploration/reflection! If you'd like to receive blog updates via email twice weekly, be sure to subscribe here.