The Critic and the Mentor

Last week, I led a transformational workshop with a group of educators. One teacher referenced the inner critic, and a lot of nodding in agreement showed up around the room.

You probably have one of those inner critics too, don’t you?

It’s judgmental and it's pessimistic. It’s got a tone to its voice within our minds - some people say it’s the voice of an overbearing parent, others say it’s the voice of a demon. What’s the tone of your inner critic’s voice?

The inner critic, for those of us with one, is a part of us. It’s been there much of our lives, and it will continue to be there. 

While we think of the inner critic as a force opposed to us living a great life, the inner critic isn’t an enemy - it’s actually a friend. 

It wants the best for you. It wants to protect you. It wants you to avoid looking bad, avoid screwing up, avoid losing in this game of life. That’s why it does what it does.

The inner critic isn’t a problem. Our relationship to the inner critic is the problem.

Learning to "let the inner critic be" is the secret to getting our inner critic to let us be. 

How do you feel about your inner critic? That’s where meaningful work can happen.

An additional practice that can give us some space from the effects of the critic is to ask the inner mentor for advice. 

Like the inner critic, the inner mentor is there inside us too, it’s just less vocal than the inner critic. It’s there, like a teacher, waiting for you (the student) to come to it with a question and a request for help. 

I was at the gym earlier today, finding myself in a pessimistic mental and emotional fog that my critic was yapping away about. I thanked it for caring about me, then asked my inner mentor what it had to say. 

Its words were simple and effective, and the critic got quiet - it too was interested in what the inner mentor had to say.

Before I get on a call with a client or lead a group program, I read through a creation I have that's titled “My Coaching.” Here are a few lines from it:

• The answers are over there with them.

• I listen cleanly, and all I hear is gold.

• The truth is right in front of us.

Your inner mentor is always right there with you. It’s a wiser, more optimistic part of yourself than the critic, and it’s also there to help; it just does it a little more kindly. 

If you’d like to learn to tap into your inner mentor to help you thrive, reach out and let’s talk.

Much Love. ❤️

P.S. The more I explore my inner mentor, the more and more it seems to actually be a voice from beyond me altogether. It's as if learning to tune into what our inner mentor is saying is actually tuning into a Divine radio station where Grace gets verbalized in a language we can hear.

Intentionally Using the Fire of Passion

As I got ready to begin a lesson in my classroom, I asked a group of three students to stop talking. As soon as I turned away from them, one of the three started talking again. 

The audacity! The rudeness!

I got animated. I got dramatic.

I raised my voice, I moved my hands through the air, and I got right in front of the student. I then kicked him out of my classroom.

I wasn’t taking his behavior personally. I wasn’t trying to control him and his peers. I wasn’t aiming to regain power in the classroom and in my relationship with him. I wasn’t making him wrong. I wasn’t intentionally demeaning him. I wasn’t angry.

I was standing for the integrity and workability of a shared space.

My getting animated with him had integrity, because I wasn’t trying to emotionally beat him into submission.

I told the class all this, and then I stepped outside to calmly and respectfully chat with the student about it.

I told him that he’s smart, creative, hard-working, and I love getting to work with him. And I’m committed to workability in our classroom.

I asked him, “Is there anything you’d like to say to me?”

He apologized for being rude. I said that I appreciated his apology, and then checked in with him to see if he had anything else he wanted to say. 

Out of this experience, my relationship with this student became deeper than it was. 

As a class, we eventually worked through the physics that I planned for the day, but there was a much more important lesson that day that I’m glad we didn’t overlook.

Sometimes a little fire, a little passion, and a little drama can be a powerful and effective way to communicate or express something that doesn’t seem to be getting across. That's one of the gifts of our inner fire, I think!

However, as always, it’s important that we’re responding with integrity and intentionality instead of reacting from insecurity.

Where in your life might a little unattached, grounded, and intentional passion help shift something that feels stuck to you? Are you willing to stay on the healthy and generous side of the fine line between responding and reacting?

Much Love. ❤️

Everyday Crucifixions

I was raised Catholic, and looking back on it, I loved it. 

The singing was fun and beautiful, and it put me in touch with God and Spirit in a powerful, felt way. The kneeling and the sitting and the standing and the kneeling and the sitting and the praying - even though it’s easy to make fun of it sometimes - trained me in intentionality, attentiveness, and reverence. 

I reap the benefits of that upbringing to this day, and I didn’t realize the depth of it until reflecting upon it by writing this post.

With Easter upon us, I want to share with you a perspective that has made a powerful difference for me and some of my clients. 

We crucify each other daily, and we crucify ourselves as well.

We don’t crucify with nails or with crowns of thorns. Most of us don’t spit, or physically beat, or stab others or ourselves.

Here's how we crucify:

We condemn with our thoughts, our words, our gossiping, and our negative and pessimistic energy. We attack with our judgments, our righteousness, our anger, and our mistrust. We dismiss with excuses, justifications, and abandon.

How many years have you been doing this to yourself? How many years have you been doing this to others? 

We don’t mean harm. We do it innocently. We’re letting fear and insecurity decide our actions.

Our uncontained fears and insecurities have consequences. 

Yes, others condemn and attack us too. Of course they do. And, like us, they do so innocently, ignorantly.

“Forgive them, for they know not what they do.”

Let those of us without sin cast the first stone.

And forgive us too, for we know not what we do.

Above all else, we must learn to love. Not love as a feeling (though that’s nice too), but love as an act of the will. Love as an act of generosity, compassion, patience, blessing, and forgiveness.

Where there is judgment, there is no love. Whether it's judgment of others or judgment of the Self, judgment points us to opportunities to love.

May we all learn to transform judgment, condemnation, and attack - those tools we use to crucify - into gateways to Love. A love of Self. A love of others. A love of the Divine.

A common experience among my clients is an expanded ability to love and be loved. If you'd like to learn how to fall more deeply in love with your Self, your life, and the people in your life, reach out to me and let's talk.

Much Love. ❤️