Lulled Into Unconsciousness

Last week I had a daily assignment: I explored my experience.

When my hourly alarm went off, I took a moment to experience. 

I looked at what I was looking at. 

I felt what I was feeling.

I experienced what I was noticing, either outside or inside myself.

I described the experience to myself, then I took a moment to simply experience it.

Tasting food. 

Seeing color.

Feeling an emotion.

So much detail. 

In fact, there’s infinite detail in all directions.

But do I notice it? Do you? 

If I’m not generally present to my actual experience, then what am I mostly present to?

Concepts.

Mostly, you and I aren’t present to our experience, we’re present to the concepts of our experience.

The stories. The judgments. The meaning. The significance. 

Here’s something the lasting spiritual practices of the world have in common: wake up, heaven is among us.

We spend our time griping, and we miss the beauty. 

We spend our time stressing, and we miss the grace.

We spend our time longing for what’s to come, and we miss the gift of Now.

We spend our time defending, gossiping, or plotting, and we miss the sacredness of human being.

Conceptualizing our lives is how we're lulled into unconsciousness.

Conceptualizing is a powerful capability of the human mind, but it's not the only tool available to us. Experiencing is another.

What are you experiencing, right now?

Getting present to what’s so is always a critical and valuable access to living into what’s possible.

Much Love. ❤️

The Breakdown Snooze Button

We live in the age of distraction. 

Never before has it been so easy to distract ourselves. To sedate ourselves. To snooze the feelings and thinking that we just don’t know how to deal with.

So we hit that snooze button in the various ways we can: social media, netflix, alcohol, and mary jane. 

The alarm goes off, and we hit the snooze button. But the snooze is temporary. The alarm will just pop back on in a little while. 

Resisting our emotions. Judging ourselves and the people in our lives. Dulling our thinking and feeling. 

We’re trying to sedate and control our discomfort because we never learned a healthier way. 

I was having a conversation with a client today, and a powerful shift in her life has been her growing ability and willingness to take a pause and slow down.

She described the impact of that powerfully: it gives her room to make a choice about how she’d like to respond.

Hitting the snooze button on our discomfort and judgment isn’t a choice - it’s a reaction. 

Our reactions are based on fear and insecurity.

On the other hand, our responses are based on discernment and intentionality.

The alternative to reacting or hitting the snooze button? Slow down. Breathe. Feel it out. Notice what’s happening inside. Get in touch with your values, desires, and intentions. 

Most days, I have an hourly timer set on my watch to remind me to take a moment and ground myself in intentional thinking and being. For much of the last month, my hourly question was this:

What do I want really want, right now?

I don’t want to hit the snooze button. I want to integrate, heal, and grow.

I don’t want to react. I want to pause, respect, and interact from understanding and compassion. 

I don’t want to rush. I want to enjoy each moment in any one of the infinite ways available. 

I don’t want to fear. I want peace. 

I don’t want to guard. I want to give. 

I don’t want to judge. I want to love.

When I hit the snooze button of distraction, I’m not leaning towards what I really want. I’m leaning away from what I don’t want.

A life lived leaning away from what I don’t want isn’t a life I want to live. I want to lean towards what I really want.

I’m committed to leaning in. That means I’ve gotta get my butt out of bed and engage directly with my life.

The breeze at dawn has secrets to tell you.

Don't go back to sleep.

You must ask for what you really want.

Don't go back to sleep.

People are going back and forth

across the doorsill

where the two worlds touch.

The door is round and open.

Don't go back to sleep.

Don't Go Back to Sleep, by Rumi

Much Love. ❤️

ME Before WE in Transformation

A client has been struggling in a relationship with one of her children. She wanted to meet with me to find a way to make the relationship better so her child would behave better.

Before we could get to how she could improve the relationship with her child, though, we had to deal with HER.

ME before WE in transformation. What do I need to deal with over here with ME before I can reach out and deal with the WE?

It takes slowing down. It takes patience. It takes a willingness to look in the mirror and to own how we’ve been showing up and where we’ve been coming from.

I was coaching another coach once, and he kept wanting to discuss new practices and routines he could institute to support a transformation. I kept slowing him down and exploring what was already so, what was already present, what was already underlying the situation. THAT is what led to a breakthrough for him, not simply adding more practices to his plate.

When we deal with ME first - our own sloppiness, reactivity, and hidden intentions - we can access a deeper level of Self and a wider range of observation and creativity. We’re then able to engage with others in a much more intentional, meaningful, and productive way.

When we deal with WE first - what we want from THEM, what we say to THEM - we often end up in the same position and very little changes. 

When the oxygen masks in the airplane cabin drop, put yours on first before dealing with others. It seems paradoxical, but we can’t adequately support others unless we’re operating at our best.

When I don’t deal with ME first, I'm making others deal with ME. That’s not fair, and it’s not effective.

ME before WE in transformation - not as a rule, but as a guiding principle that works.

Deal with yourself first.

Much Love. ❤️