The Most Important Practice

21 years ago, I lived in the mountains of California for a year. My brother and I would plan mountain biking or hiking activities, and I would sometimes have to wait for him - he had a full-time traveling job and ran a local business. 

Being back here on a visit for the first time in over two decades, I enjoy the wait. I stand around or sit down. I look around. I breathe in this fresh mountain air. I thank my body, I thank my senses, I thank nature. I thank the opportunity it is to hang with my big bro.

Of all the practices I’ve learned and taught over the years, the most important and impactful is the practice of patience.

In patience, we can listen. 

Patience is a space. It’s a welcoming of the experience of being human. It’s an invitation for opportunity to show up.

Whether it’s challenging emotions, unmet expectations, or difficult circumstances, patience gives us room to relax - to relax our minds, our hearts, our nervous systems. In that space of bio-psycho-social-spiritual relaxation, we get to reside in a more full and fulfilling experience of right now.

There are no ordinary moments. 

The moments I’m waiting. The moments I’m seething. The moments I’m scared. Each moment is extraordinary.

Patience gives me the space and the listening to be with it all, and when I’m truly listening, there isn’t a part of my experience that I need to run from, avoid, or change.

I have a client who’s struggling with a potential big change in her life. Her suffering isn’t coming from the possible change, though - it’s coming from what it all means. Patience gives her space to be with her experience, to relax her mind’s stories and concerns and worries, and to settle into trusting herself and her innate capacity to thrive no matter what.

That’s the power of the practice of patience - trusting and cultivating our innate capacity to thrive in life, no matter the circumstances. 

With the practice of patience, waiting becomes an opportunity to fall in love with myself and the universe, frustration becomes an opportunity to compassionately give to another, and fear becomes an old friend just looking out.

(This is patience, by the way, without distraction - without our eyes in our phones or on our TVs.)

May we each be blessed with the power of patience, and the willingness to practice it unconditionally.

Much Love. ❤️

From Insight to Transformation

I was at the movies with one of my kids last week to see the Odyssey. While waiting on our popcorn, a worker behind the counter told a co-worker that he recently saw the movie Hook for the first time. Hook - that Robin Williams movie from 1991 where Peter Pan returns to Neverland as an adult. I loved that movie!

What I remember most about the movie was a moment near the end, when Peter realized that the happiest thing about his life is that he’s a daddy. It dawned on him like it never had before, and his long list of more important priorities disappeared in the light of that brilliant insight.

Insight is powerful. People in the transformational coaching and self-help circles are sometimes insight junkies! I’ve been one myself at times. 

Insight is like a flash of lightning. When it strikes, we see something that we’ve never seen before about ourselves, others, the world, or life itself. The brilliant light of insight is sometimes powerful enough to knock our minds, hearts, and nervous systems into a new and lasting state of being.

Most of the time, though, after the initial brightness of that flash of insight, our conditioned minds, hearts, and nervous systems go back to business as usual. (We sometimes then even add some guilt and self-judgment on top, for seeing Truth but not acting on it.)

While insights are powerful moments of awareness that inspire, motivate, and move us, that flash of lightning fades quickly without sustained, reliable, and effective practice.

A flash of lightning vs. the sustained and reliable light of the sun itself.

That’s how lasting change happens - a consistent returning to and grounding in the truths that show themselves through insight.

A more direct way of saying it is this: insights only make a difference when we practice them.

Yes, it gets dark sometimes. It gets stormy sometimes. Man, I've been going through the bumps and potholes of that dark and stormy inner weather myself a bit more intensely lately! The light, however, is always there, reliably returning to us as we return to it.

If you're lucky enough, or committed enough, to experience insight in areas of your life that matter to you, honor that stroke of lightning and consider how you might sustain the light of that insight into transformation.

What are some recent insights that you’d like to deepen into your being and your experience of life? What would support you?

Not every insight needs to be honored with consistent practice, discipline, and support, and some are really worth it.

Much Love. ❤️

How Would You Love to Show Up?

A client came to me with a problem. He's a performer, and a colleague of his has been distracting him in his work. My client was feeling frustrated.

Such a simple-sounding problem, right? But there were actually (at least) three issues underlying my client’s challenge:

1. His discomfort in engaging with his colleague about it.

2. His attempts to bypass the issue by dealing with it solely internally.

3. His lack of clarity about his intentions and what he really wanted.

So where did we start? That doesn’t matter. Here’s where we got:

At some point in the conversation, I asked him, “How would you love to show up when this happens again?”

(Write that question down. It's a good one.)

And he was quiet for almost a minute. Then, “I don't know,” he said.

We mostly live our lives in reaction to our circumstances and situations. This isn’t it, and we focus on that. But if This isn’t it, what is?

Many of us, each day, write out our TO DO lists. But what about that most important list of all, our TO BE list?

I am having a final coaching conversation tonight with a client of over 3 years. In that time together, he has created extraordinary results in his experience of life and in his effectiveness as a father, husband, friend, and colleague.

One call, years ago, he shared with me how tough it was to get up and handle his responsibilities. It began with his dog waking him up, and him really feeling like he didn’t want to deal with that.

Through the magic we do in our conversations, he opened to insight and inspiration and created for himself, “I awake each day with joy and gratitude.”

He trained himself so that the first thought he had upon waking up was that: "I awake each day with joy and gratitude." Then his mind got to work finding things to be grateful for, opening up to the joy of being alive. 

That was the beginning of his TO BE list! What better way to start our day than to intentionally remind ourselves - and create within ourselves and in our actions - how we're committed to showing up?

Since then, this client has created an extraordinary TO BE list of about 30 intentional, grounded, and powerful declarations. He has an alarm that goes off every hour to remind him to recite his list and ground himself in it. He looks for ways to express those ways of being in his life. He says them out loud to his kids. And he reflects upon his day in the context of that list.

How would you love to show up in life?! Not “what needs to change for me to be problem-free.”

How would you love to show up? With that person or that other person? In that task or that job? In your morning, your lunch break, your evening?

Answer that question in all areas of life that are important to you. Start there. Then, all there is to do is live with integrity, in alignment with what you’re committed to, not what your mind judges in the moment. 

Yes, access to authentically creating powerful self-declaration statements often requires reflection, healing, integration, and guidance. We’re each born with the capacity to access these truths about ourselves. And each of our statements fades without practice, like a muscle that atrophies from a lack of use.

So do that work. The most important work of our lives.

Much Love, and thank you for reading my work. ❤️

(100% human-made)