Tell the Truth: The Holidays Aren't Stressful

Stress is a grown-up word for “Fear.”

Don’t say, “I’m stressed." Say, “I’m scared.”

Next time you feel stressed, ask yourself what you’re afraid of. What’s the insecure thought that’s driving your “stress”?

Is it that you’ll look bad? 

That people will judge you, laugh at you, or talk behind your back?

That you won’t show up how you’d like to show up?

That you won’t produce the result you’d like to produce?

That you’ll have wasted time?

That you’ll go unnoticed, unloved, or unwanted?

Stress is a reaction to that fear within.

Stress doesn't come from outside us - it's born right there within us.

As a fear that revs us up a bit, stress impacts the mind and the body.

Fueled by the energy of fear, the stressed mind thinks frenetically to prevent the feared outcome. The body and nervous system move into fight, flight, freeze, or fawn mode, hoping it can help too.

So we might listen to podcasts, read blogs 😬, and watch YouTube videos on techniques to not stress so much. Maybe take a bath, in candlelight, with a glass of wine.

But stress-management is only symptom-management - it doesn’t address the underlying fear at its Source.

Stress-management quells the beast temporarily, but it remains there within, a sleeping menace.

If we never address the underlying Source of our stress, it’ll keep showing up over and over and over and over again. The "enemy" with a thousand faces.

Don’t cope with any particular stress - heal the Source of stress (your relationship to insecure thinking and fearing) and make it last.

Self-care isn’t a one-off act to cope with - it’s a way of life. And it’s not self-focused, it’s Self-focused.

When you’re feeling stressed, ask yourself what you’re scared of. Often, simply asking ourselves this question and listening for the answer is enough to break free from the stress cycle.

When we see with our adult eyes how incredibly young nearly every one of our fears is, it often breaks the spell.

For those fears that seem to grip us more tightly, be with them. Witness them, observe them, give them room, and give them some softness. Like a scared dog that doesn’t understand what’s really going on when the thunder claps, these fears are a young part of us that’s hung around so long because we haven’t given it the reassurance that it craves.

Many of us live our lives scared of the results - the results we want and the results we’re afraid to get.

But the results aren’t ever up to us - they’ve never been. All that’s up to us is to let life be lived through us by honoring the spark of inspiration, love, and commitment that’s available in all moments.

So when you’re feeling stressed and you’ve uncovered the fear that’s driving it, ask yourself what you really want.

Chances are, you’re much more interested in an experience of authentic peace, love, and enjoyment - an experience far beyond the experience of merely looking good.

Stress is not inevitable. It's a practiced reaction to fear and insecurity that can be transformed.

Next time you’re feeling stressed, ask yourself what you’re scared of. Life, the Universe, God - has led you this far, and you’ll be taken care of this holiday season too.

Much Love. ❤️

Power is...

Power is personal.  

Power is not dependent on other people.

Power is an act of intentionality and commitment.

Power is found in a profound relationship to reality.

Power is born in the realm of facts in a creative mind, not default and inherited stories in a fearful mind.

Power is accessed, in part, by distinguishing the limited and limiting perspectives inherited in our childhood and adolescence.

Power is constrained by the brands upon our minds and nervous systems of unintegrated past traumas - the big T and little T traumas.

Power is choice.

Power is stepping across the invisible lines that others and ourselves draw in the sand of infinite possibility.

Power is moving beyond the invisible constraints of our own thinking.

Power is a verb, it’s not a noun.

Power is a dynamic relationship, not a fixed entity.

Power is limited by fear and insecure thinking.

Power is inherent in life. 

Power is deliberate.

Power is focused.

Power is not mine and it’s not yours.

Power is the willingness to be honest and responsible about the limiting stories we use to placate our fears.

Power is not right, it’s not wrong, it’s not better, it’s not worse, it’s not good, it’s not evil.

Power is not force.

Power is a gift.

Power is a Grace.

Power is optional...

So is honesty. So is commitment. So is intentionality.

...Or not...

What do you say?

Much Love. ❤️

Petting My Dog, Healing Myself

Yesterday was an extraordinary Mind Mastery workshop at a school. The conversation was deep and powerful. Students grappling with stress over grades, overthinking and worry about friendships, regret and self-dislike, being authentic with parents and friends, setting boundaries without being mean, peace of mind, confidence, and enjoyment. 

It’s amazing to see how stress over a science test becomes the many faces of stress in adulthood, and it doesn't have to be that way - something else is possible. It’s an honor to engage with this age group and support their mental, emotional, and spiritual growth and fulfillment.

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In my own inner work, I’ve learned to treat the uncomfortable, painful, and challenging parts of myself gently, like they're children that don't know better. 

I encourage clients to do the same. Yesterday at the teen Mind Mastery event, I suggested it to them too - consider that anxious, helpless, scared, hopeless part of you like it’s a little child that doesn’t know better. Would you shove that child away? Would you hate that child? 

For some people, imagining that inner uncomfortable or painful part as a pet is also very powerful. A couple that I coach realized that they would never treat their animals the way they treat each other sometimes - that’s a powerful insight!

So when my fear comes up or my mind kicks into overthinking or worry, I engage with it like it’s a child - with arms wide open, gentle words, and loving attention. 

The first time we do this, it’s like asking a child to trust us even though we’ve been mean to it for decades. So it’s reluctant. It’s looking for consistency. It wants to trust us, but it needs consistency to really see it. 

So we show up daily. We keep creating space for it. We keep speaking kindly to it. We keep relating lovingly towards it. 

And we can practice it elsewhere too…

My dog is super sweet and loves attention. This morning I got down at his level, pet him and hugged him. As I did so, I visualized him as my fears, my insecure thoughts, my sometimes-busy mind, my stresses. In this way, my dog gets my love, and so do those parts of me that I’d otherwise resist, shun, or hate.

Just as a my discomfort and pain can be experienced as a surrogate for a lovable inner child, my dog can be a surrogate for healing that same discomfort and pain.

Every moment of our lives is an opportunity for healing, integration, and wholeness. We are always training our subconscious, and it’s our subconscious that’s usually in control when our experience in life goes haywire or painful.

Treating my dog with kindness and love, thanking my blankets for their warmth, bringing kindness to people in my household even when I’m feeling stingy - doing these things intentionally and wholly, I’m taking care of my inner parts too. 

Much Love. ❤️