Petting My Dog, Healing Myself

Yesterday was an extraordinary Mind Mastery workshop at a school. The conversation was deep and powerful. Students grappling with stress over grades, overthinking and worry about friendships, regret and self-dislike, being authentic with parents and friends, setting boundaries without being mean, peace of mind, confidence, and enjoyment. 

It’s amazing to see how stress over a science test becomes the many faces of stress in adulthood, and it doesn't have to be that way - something else is possible. It’s an honor to engage with this age group and support their mental, emotional, and spiritual growth and fulfillment.

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In my own inner work, I’ve learned to treat the uncomfortable, painful, and challenging parts of myself gently, like they're children that don't know better. 

I encourage clients to do the same. Yesterday at the teen Mind Mastery event, I suggested it to them too - consider that anxious, helpless, scared, hopeless part of you like it’s a little child that doesn’t know better. Would you shove that child away? Would you hate that child? 

For some people, imagining that inner uncomfortable or painful part as a pet is also very powerful. A couple that I coach realized that they would never treat their animals the way they treat each other sometimes - that’s a powerful insight!

So when my fear comes up or my mind kicks into overthinking or worry, I engage with it like it’s a child - with arms wide open, gentle words, and loving attention. 

The first time we do this, it’s like asking a child to trust us even though we’ve been mean to it for decades. So it’s reluctant. It’s looking for consistency. It wants to trust us, but it needs consistency to really see it. 

So we show up daily. We keep creating space for it. We keep speaking kindly to it. We keep relating lovingly towards it. 

And we can practice it elsewhere too…

My dog is super sweet and loves attention. This morning I got down at his level, pet him and hugged him. As I did so, I visualized him as my fears, my insecure thoughts, my sometimes-busy mind, my stresses. In this way, my dog gets my love, and so do those parts of me that I’d otherwise resist, shun, or hate.

Just as a my discomfort and pain can be experienced as a surrogate for a lovable inner child, my dog can be a surrogate for healing that same discomfort and pain.

Every moment of our lives is an opportunity for healing, integration, and wholeness. We are always training our subconscious, and it’s our subconscious that’s usually in control when our experience in life goes haywire or painful.

Treating my dog with kindness and love, thanking my blankets for their warmth, bringing kindness to people in my household even when I’m feeling stingy - doing these things intentionally and wholly, I’m taking care of my inner parts too. 

Much Love. ❤️

The Great Myth (Lie) We've Bought Into

One of my favorite quotes is this one by Rupert Spira: “The source of all human suffering is a single thought: ‘I don’t like this.’”

I find it to be very accurate for me! However, I think there’s an even more insidious version of it at play in our lives.

Nearly every single one of us was born into this myth. We believe it to be true on a personal level and a societal level.

When we’re born, we breathe in our first breath of air, and the indoctrination into this myth begins. 

We hear it from our parents. We hear it from our teachers. We hear it from our preachers, our tv shows, our music. 

We believe it about most aspects of our experience - things we see, hear, feel, and think. 

• When we beat ourselves up over something we said or did, or didn’t say or didn’t do - we're living in the myth.

• When we feel anxiety - we're living in the myth. 

• When we complain, gossip, or otherwise live from curmudgeon energy - we're living in the myth. 

• When our opinions lead us to frustration and self-righteousness - we're living in the myth.

The myth we’ve bought into and live from is this: The Great Myth of “Should.”

This shouldn’t be. I shouldn’t feel this way. I shouldn’t act this way. They shouldn’t act that way. They shouldn’t be that way. It shouldn’t be this way! Etc.

Or

That should be. I should feel that way. I should act that way. They should be that way. They shouldn’t be that way. It should be that way! Etc.

Look, don’t take my word for it. See for yourself!

Where are you living The Great Myth of Should about yourself, others, the world, life?

Should is an argument with reality. Should is an arrogant perspective. Should is a negation of what is and a belief that we know what's better.

"Should" doesn’t exist in nature. It ONLY exists in language. 

Where are you shoulding in your life? Where are you shoulding on yourself and others?

Every place we notice that we're operating under a should, we have an opportunity to get free. How to use it to get free is a topic for another post (or better yet, conversation). For right now, just notice:

Where are you spouting the myth of should, at yourself and others? In your mind and heart? In how you move and act?

There’s no freedom in should, because should is inherently inauthentic. Should is only a concept, and the spark of life within us isn’t a concept, it’s a divine force of the universe. 

Should is a myth, but since we don't see it as a myth, it's become something worse: it's a lie we tell ourselves and others, and we feel it in the depths of our being.

Much Love. ❤️

My Favorite Audio Lately

I love talking to people about podcasts they enjoy. I’ve got some favorites too.

And whether it’s a great podcast, a great audiobook, or great music, there’s so much great stuff to listen to!

Listening while driving. Listening while walking. Listening while working. Listening while cleaning. Listening while cutting the grass. Listening while lying in bed.

My absolute favorite audio lately? No audio at all.

No podcast at all. No audiobook at all. No music at all.

When I want to really taste something I’m eating, I close my eyes. Suspending my visual sensory input magnifies the flavor. It’s incredible, try it out!

So when I’m driving, even though there’s plenty of great things to listen to, I’m finding that my favorite thing to listen to lately is nothing at all.

My God, the details in the universe around us! Yes to waking up to more to them!

Sometimes I’m compelled to listen to anything at all, just anything…and especially then I keep the audio off. Instead, I turn my listening within…

What is it within me that’s craving that distraction?

What is it within me that I’m so unwilling to sit with?

THAT’S what I’m giving my attention to - The feel of that part of me. The shape of that part of me. The history of that part of me. The depth of that part of me.

Yes it’s uncomfortable! But it’s no less beautiful or insightful because it’s uncomfortable.

Yes it can seem boring! But that’s only because we’re not trained in the arts of curiosity and wonder as much as we could be.

This isn’t a post against audio! This is a post for intentional quiet time. 

Have you noticed how much our teens (and friends, and colleagues, and we ourselves!) can sit on social media watching the endless streams of reels and images? 

Many of us were living so distractedly well before smartphones - with tv and radio always playing in the background. 

And there’s nothing wrong with distracting ourselves. It’s just that, well, we might often find more of what we’re really looking for in the silence. 

I still listen to audio. I’m just doing it much more consciously these days.

I invite you to consider doing the same. ❤️ 

“All of humanity's problems stem from man's [unwillingness] to sit quietly in a room alone.”

- Blaise Pascal

“Silence is the language of God, all else is poor translation.”

- Rumi

“Settle yourself in solitude and you will come upon Him in yourself.”

- St. Teresa of Ávila

“Few things under heaven are as instructive as the lessons of silence.”

- Tao Te Ching

“In silence there is eloquence. Stop weaving and see how the pattern improves.”

- Rumi

“Never lose a holy curiosity.”

- Einstein