When Your Personality Conflicts With Who You Are

Is your kindness authentic, or is it driven by fear?

People-pleasing. It’s so common, and it’s inauthentic.

I’ve heard it said that people-pleasing = lying.

It’s one thing to be committed to kindness. It’s another thing to be kind at the expense of our own well-being.

When someone is people-pleasing us and we’re paying attention, it can have a gross sort of feeling to it. It’s gross because it’s inauthentic.

People-pleasing isn’t the type of kindness that’s driven by an authentic commitment to being kind. People-pleasing is driven by fear.

Is your humor authentic, or is it driven by insecurity?

Most of us know someone who can’t stop cracking jokes. We just know they’re going to crack a joke no matter what the conversation is.

Back in college, my heart dropped and I felt so sad for a peer when he said to a few of us, “I’d do anything for a laugh.”

Humor is one of the ways we connect with the divine. It’s also a way to avoid discomfort and to get people to like us. 

My kids taught me a phrase for the type of personalities that are authentically nice or insecurely funny: “try hards.” 

We try hard when we think we’re not enough as we are.

We try hard when we lack faith that we have everything we need.

We try hard when our very survival is wrapped up in what someone else thinks of us.

When our personality conflicts with who we really are, the solution isn’t to try harder, and it isn’t to get people to like us. 

When our personality conflicts with who we really are, the solution we’re actually craving is the healing and integration of our deeper parts. It’s the healing and integration of our charged emotions, our fears, and our insecurities. 

The source of our discomfort with others is some insecure way of seeing ourselves. 

This past week, a former student of mine reached out and we spent a couple hours together. When we broke apart the insecurity beneath what he was dealing with, he experienced a new freedom in showing up authentically, lovingly, and powerfully for those things that matter to him. 

Not driven by fear. Not driven by insecurity. Driven by authentic inspiration.

Learn to not let your discomfort, fear, and insecurity drive you deeper into your personality to be liked - instead, allow your discomfort, fear, and insecurity to point you back to your deeper, true, and authentic self.

Your personality is about survival. Your authentic Self is about being fully alive.

If that’s something you’d like to master, message me and let’s connect.

Much Love. ❤️

Everything is Listening

Do you know who's listening to your thoughts?

The other parts of your mind are.

Your body is.

Your heart is.

Your nervous system is.

The people you're speaking them to (whether you're speaking to them verbally or not).

Your being is.

Each atom within your field of presence is.

Thousands of thoughts each day (60,000 perhaps).

The vast majority of these are carried over from your past (90% of them, supposedly) .

Maybe up to 80% of them are negative.

Our bodies are listening to these thoughts. Our hearts are listening. The people around us are listening. The universe is listening.

Change your thinking, change your life. 

Sounds simple enough, yet…

We wake up into a world being generated mostly by our unconscious thinking. Our unconscious beliefs about ourselves, others, and the world filter what we experience - it determines what’s possible for us and what we see as possible for others.

These beliefs exist in our unconscious thinking, and they exist in our emotional body.

Changing our thinking is powerful and useful, and accessing our subconscious is even more powerful and useful. 

That’s the realm of my work as a life coach. 

I’m in the game of helping people live with less stress and insecurity, more ease and enjoyment.

Most of us approach our goals from the outside-in: let me change my circumstances to change my results. 

My strategy works from the inside-out. We go inward, declutter the mind and emotional body, and in the resulting space of clarity and insight, new actions, new feelings, and new results become possible.

So try this at the very least: think intentionally.

Are your thoughts aligned with your values and commitments? If not, do the important work of changing them - with clarity, with integrity.

Here are a few of my intentional thoughts that I’ve been embedding in my being for a few years:

• I am unconditionally loving.

• No one is worthy of my judgment, and everyone is worthy of my love (including all parts of myself).

• I have relentless belief in humans and humanity.

• I am inspired and incredibly productive.

• I act from inspiration as soon as possible.

• I serve with profound value.

• Thank you. I love you.

• I am safe.

When you’re ready to go deep with me to identify and shift the conscious and unconscious thinking holding you back, reach out and let’s spend some time together. 

Much Love. ❤️

Your Commitment to Excellence

I was interviewing for a job with a non-profit a handful of years ago. The head of the organization is someone I worked with previously. 

When it became clear that he wanted to hire me for the position, I asked him why he wanted me for the job. He said: “Everything you touch turns to excellence.”

And whoosh, all of a sudden, I knew myself as someone who is committed to excellence. 

I am committed to excellence in all I am and all I do. This commitment doesn’t mean I always deliver. It means I’m intend to deliver, and I’ll put everything I have into that commitment.

What I’ve discovered over the past few years of coaching is that each of us is committed to excellence in our lives in at least one area. Ultimately, this is where I work with clients - in those areas where they’re committed to excellence. 

Where are you committed to excellence in your life? Where are you not living up to your own standards of excellence?

I think these are critical questions. To live a life of alignment, integrity, and wholeness requires us to deal with where we are committed to excellence and where we’re not living up to that commitment. 

This isn’t about being “better.” It’s not about “making it.” This isn’t about “getting it right.” That’s not the game of excellence. That’s the game of conforming to what someone else told us we should be, we should want, or we should do.

Excellence is about honoring the Self, our true nature, and the life, vitality, and Source that animates us.

Maybe you’ve been feeling a call to level up your game in one or more areas of life. 

Maybe you’re ready to step up and move beyond where you’ve been limited.

Maybe it’s time for you to add fuel to your commitment to excellence.

Message me to discuss how working with me can support you.

Much Love. ❤️