My colleague and I were stressed and worried. We were the two leaders in the room, and we did NOT produce the result we were supposed to produce.
I spent 12 months in an intense leadership training program in my mid-20s, then another 6 months coaching other participants in the program. I’d produced excellent results over that time. What happened tonight?!
While my colleague and I reflected on the whole evening and what went ‘wrong,’ we were feeling exhausted and uncreative. Even though neither of us said it, we were both dreading our superior coming in and getting frustrated with us.
But that didn’t happen.
Instead, I experienced one of the most powerful lessons in leadership I’ve ever witnessed.
Our superior came in, heard what the results were, thought quietly for about 10 seconds, and then she said:
“I’m sorry. I must not have prepared the room as well as I thought. This is on me.”
Immediately, my stress and worry disappeared. My heart lightened and my mind cleared. All of a sudden, I could see clearly how I could’ve performed better throughout the evening. It felt so good to do this reflection, and the exhaustion we felt just moments before had vanished.
At around the same time as this event, in my first year teaching, I took responsibility for blaming a class of 14-year-olds for my feeling irritated and stressed. Afterward, a student said, “Mr. Scott, you shouldn’t apologize. It makes you look weak.”
I told him, “Michael, taking responsibility is the most powerful thing I’ve ever done.”
Taking responsibility is not how leaders typically behave. Somehow, that hasn’t made it into a typical leader’s training program. This is a little surprising, given that the results an organization produces (or fails to produce) always point towards leadership.
But they’re human too! So their initial reaction is often defensiveness, justification, dismissal, a power play of some kind, or blame.
There’s nothing wrong with those reactions. They’re just…ordinary.
Since they’re leaders, though, we have higher expectations of them than our peers:
That they’ll hear us when we speak to them.
That they’ll make room for our experience and emotions, which are all valid.
That they’ll not take things personally.
There’s nothing wrong with ordinary - it’s just not extraordinary.
Extraordinary listening.
Extraordinary respect.
Extraordinary understanding.
Extraordinary compassion.
Extraordinary ownership.
Extraordinary results.
Ordinary leadership creates ordinary results. Extraordinary leadership creates extraordinary results.
The first powerful step towards extraordinary leadership is a willingness to take 100% responsibility for the results.
Much love. ❤️
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