ME Before WE in Transformation

A client has been struggling in a relationship with one of her children. She wanted to meet with me to find a way to make the relationship better so her child would behave better.

Before we could get to how she could improve the relationship with her child, though, we had to deal with HER.

ME before WE in transformation. What do I need to deal with over here with ME before I can reach out and deal with the WE?

It takes slowing down. It takes patience. It takes a willingness to look in the mirror and to own how we’ve been showing up and where we’ve been coming from.

I was coaching another coach once, and he kept wanting to discuss new practices and routines he could institute to support a transformation. I kept slowing him down and exploring what was already so, what was already present, what was already underlying the situation. THAT is what led to a breakthrough for him, not simply adding more practices to his plate.

When we deal with ME first - our own sloppiness, reactivity, and hidden intentions - we can access a deeper level of Self and a wider range of observation and creativity. We’re then able to engage with others in a much more intentional, meaningful, and productive way.

When we deal with WE first - what we want from THEM, what we say to THEM - we often end up in the same position and very little changes. 

When the oxygen masks in the airplane cabin drop, put yours on first before dealing with others. It seems paradoxical, but we can’t adequately support others unless we’re operating at our best.

When I don’t deal with ME first, I'm making others deal with ME. That’s not fair, and it’s not effective.

ME before WE in transformation - not as a rule, but as a guiding principle that works.

Deal with yourself first.

Much Love. ❤️