In My Knowing or Betraying Myself

As I’ve wrapped up my morning meditation lately, I sometimes say this beautiful prayer that I came across a few weeks back:

“I am in my Knowing. What do I know that I could be better at living, embodying, and honoring?”

Today on a call with a client, I asked her this powerful and insightful question: How are you betraying yourself in this situation?

We all betray the self sometimes - some of us more than others.

Maybe we hold back and don’t express something that we’re called to express. Maybe we say yes when we want to say no, maybe we say no when we want to say yes.

I did that in a big way in high school. A friend asked me a question, and every part of my being was saying no. Instead, though, I looked at the steps we were walking up and said, “Yes.”

(That experience, by the way, I regretted for years. And then I learned the power of compassionate self-forgiveness and the event became one of the most beautiful and powerful lessons in how to unconditionally love myself. Related: just today I said to my 15-year-old son that regret is always a choice. He said I didn't know what I was talking about. 🤷‍♂️😂)

I don’t think self-betrayals are wrong. I don’t think they’re evil. I don’t think we’re bad or wrong or flawed when we betray the self.

There’s something holding us back sometimes, something pushing us to betray the self, something holding back the true self from fully expressing itself in being and action.

That part of us is hiding the authentic, true self from others. It could be hiding our fears or our "nastiness," but it could also be our joys and our curiosity that it’s hiding.

That part of us that betrays the self, it’s doing that for us. To protect us. To help us be liked. To keep us safe physically, or emotionally, or socially, or all of them all at once. It’s not an enemy. It’s a friend.

It's for us, it’s just a bit misguided at times, that’s all.

What do you know that you’re not living, embodying, and honoring? Where are you betraying yourself?

It doesn’t have to be big and earth-shaking. It can be small and simple too. Here are some examples:

• Habitually staying up late 

• Habitually binge watching

• Drinking that second or third glass of wine or coffee

• Smoking pot nightly

• Ignoring your alarm clock

• Not moving the body as much as you’d like to

• Not following through on your commitments to others

• Habitually watching pornography or other topics that may disturb your psyche

It needn’t be hard to live in our knowing, to be in our knowing. 

In fact, that might just be one of the key lessons in our own spiritual curriculum: to learn how to live in our knowing, to embody our knowing, to honor our knowing - at all levels of our being.

Choose: be in your knowing or betray the self.

That’s what I’m here for - in my own life and as a support for others. If you’d like support in living in your knowing and giving up your tendencies to betray yourself, schedule a conversation with me.

Much Love. ❤️