The Fertile Soil of Sadness

I had a couple big cries that first day of my retreat.

I cried from regret for who I am as a dad sometimes. I cried from fear for my family and from fear for myself. I cried for my parents, I cried for my friends, and I cried for my students and their families. I was present to all the places I'm falling short...all the missed opportunities to connect and to love and to give...all the moments of selfishness...all the moments of insecurity...all the moments of ineffectiveness...and all the moments of inadequacy.

My sobs shook me from the core of my being, and I let them. With courage and trust, I travelled down as deeply as I could go within the sadness, fear, and regret within myself, and I cried from the absolute bottom of my emotional well.

And way down at the bottom of that well, I found that it wasn't a dark and dank place as I expected. It was a warm and glowing aliveness, a core of compassion, love, and joy. And I cried some more from that compassion and care and from that love.

At the bottom of all my fears and sadness of those moments, I saw more clearly than ever before that all I want is for others to relax and be well. I want that for myself of course, and I want it for the people closest to me. I want it for my students and their families, and I want it for our society and world.

Wow. It really is a gift to feel anything at all, and when we welcome the insight of more negative emotions of sadness and fear, we give them an opportunity to reconnect us with what matters most. Sadness and fear can be gateways to joy and love.

It could be that sadness and fear are always pointing towards joy, love, and other positive emotions, but we get stuck looking at the pointing hand of the emotion instead of where that hand is pointing.

We can handle all emotions - it's how we're built - and we needn't be afraid of any of them. Emotions don't last forever and there's likely some wisdom hiding in there for us to find. Perhaps that's why we feel them at all.

Thanks so much for reading. ❤️

Shine On

When I was 4 I lived from my inner light without effort: pure expression, little fear, much fun. When I was 11 I lived from that light too, with a lot of laughter, but with a little more self-criticism and self-consciousness (as well as a little more selfishness). When I was 17 I seemed to occasionally lose the key to unlocking that light much of the time. By the time I was 23, I thought that light was supposed to be locked up, that that's just a part of growing up.

As a young adult I was self-conscious, worried, anxious, and stressed. I did well in school but that wasn't enough. I had a supportive and happy family, but that wasn't enough. I made decent money, but that wasn't enough. Everyone else my age seemed to know how to live their lives and be happy, but I was indecisive and lacked confidence. I felt different in a sad way, and I began identifying as a despondent and pensive loner.

I searched in books, gurus, churches, and meditation. And I just couldn't figure it out.

The trick is that there is nothing to figure out. That truth, ease, insight, and joy have always been and will always be within. I guess I just learned to uncage it all. And the way to do that: trust and let go.

I've learned to not only unleash my inner light, but to let it suffuse my body, mind, and actions. You see, this inner light isn't mine, just as your inner light isn't yours. It's there and shining whether we ask it to or not and whether we want it to or not.

This light is the authentic expression of our true self, and all we ever need to do is shift out of its way and let that light shine on.

We try and we try and we try to figure it all out, moving from one problem to the next, one emotion to the next, one hustle to the next. We get overwhelmed and stressed trying to make everything perfect, and we really think that that's just the way life is. It's as if there's an expected momentum to life and if we slow down at all, life might pass us by or we'll lose the game somehow.

But there's nothing to figure out and resolve, and there never was. This is it, and it's beautiful and perfect. It always has been, it always will be.

Living from our inner light is the access to a life of well-being - and all we ever really want is to feel fully alive and to experience well-being.

So many of us, however, feel deeply that we're not worthy of a life of well-being and the experience of being fully alive. If this is true for you, then remember this: the well-being of others begins with our own well-being.

...just as the well-being of our students begins with the well-being of our teachers and parents.

Thanks so much for reading. Shine on. ❤️

This Little Light of Ours

What if…..............

There really is a light within each of us.

This light is our true self and is always seeking an authentic, clear, and open expression.

This light isn’t ours to control or manipulate and this light isn’t ours to direct or force.

All we have to do is put our stories, interpretations, narratives, judgments, regret, and expectations aside, step into this present moment, and allow the light to shine.

All there ever is to do is show up, follow the impulses of this inner light, and engage with what’s in front of us.

Overwhelm, worry, stress, and ineffectiveness are the result of applying our intellect to people and situations that would be better met with compassion, curiosity, and presence of mind.

Each of us adults could be a model of the power and possibility of adulthood for our kids, students, neighbors, and each other.

When we “get out of the way” and allow our authentic, inner light to shine in its truest expression, we are living life fully to the best of our abilities.

Teachers awakening to the clearest and fullest expression of their inner light is one of the key ingredients missing in many of our classrooms.

We could put our worries, budgets, politics, concerns, and fears aside to engage fully in the moment with our inner light guiding our way.

It’s not magic, though it’s magical. It’s not esoteric, though it’s uncommon. It’s not mystical, though it’s deeply spiritual.

All there ever is to do is relax into this moment, trust that we're cradled by a deep and pure intelligence and wisdom, put aside our thinking, and pay full attention to what’s really right in front of us.

Getting profoundly present allows that little spark of ours to light up the universe.

Thanks so much for reading. ❤️