I like to time-travel during my daily practice.
During my morning meditation, I’ll sometimes visualize younger versions of myself and others. I’ll see the world through the eyes I looked through then, then I’ll look at myself from the outside.
It’s usually the heart that takes me there.
For instance, yesterday morning I recognized some trapped resentment within me. (There are a few processes I use to recognize trapped emotions, and it's one way I work with clients.)
I started by looking at my life as it is and identifying where resentment was showing up for me. I didn't think it was at first, then I saw a couple ways it was definitely showing up.
So I forgave myself for it.
One of the methods I use for self-forgiveness is this (either spoken, thought, or written): "I forgive myself for ______."
Forgiveness includes an unspoken promise to be better.
After fully forgiving myself for how I was being resentful in my current life, I slowly and gently time-traveled backwards through my life to reflect on all the times resentment showed up within me.
I forgave the people who inspired my resentment, and, more accurately, I forgave myself for being resentful.
I let myself feel the resentment. I let myself understand it. I let myself own that the resentment was mine and nobody else's.
Then I forgave myself for it.
Remember: forgiveness isn’t really about the past. It’s about our present experience, who we're presently being in relationship with the past. Forgiveness is a release - in the present - of what we’re holding onto, what we’re righteous about, what we’re justifying.
Forgiveness is letting go an intention of separation, justification, and blame, and when we let go, we become free.
So I forgave that young version of myself all his resentment, at times directed towards his parents, towards his siblings, towards his teachers, friends, priests, and neighbors. At times towards his wife and his own kids.
The experience was incredibly freeing.
It wasn't freeing because the resentment went away (which it did). It was freeing because I got to own ALL of my experience of life.
As I told a 14-year-old student nearly 20 years ago when he said it was weak to apologize:
"Taking responsibility is the most powerful thing I can ever do."
Afterward, when my meditation timer had gone off, I still felt some resentment. But it was no longer something I needed to 'handle.' Nothing I needed my wife to take responsibility for so I could feel better. Nothing for my colleagues to do.
The resentment was no longer something I had to resist, avoid, or react from.
Instead, I let it be within me, and I thanked it for looking out for me. I thanked it for caring that I have a great life. I thanked it for being a gift, even if I can’t see the true gift in it at first.
And I stopped drinking the poison of self-righteousness and justification that would otherwise feed that resentment until it tainted my life and relationships.
I got up from the floor and I resolved to allow the resentment to be and dissipate at its own pace, and I promised to not react from it.
I knew it would continue to release me as I continued to release it.
My work was done, and I could trust that it would find its way out of me - I had done everything I needed to do to help it on its way.
And it left. And I got free.
And not a single thing around me had to change at all.
Where we judge, where we blame, and where we justify, there’s no room for love. And feelings like anger, frustration, and resentment always carry a component of judgment, blame, and justification.
We close ourselves inside a box of justification and expect other people to free us.
Those emotions aren't wrong. They're simply incongruent with what we’re really looking for: love, peace, and joy. Happiness, connection, and respect. Fun, enjoyment, and compassion.
Much Love. ❤️
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