I have a list of blog ideas on my phone. I add to it when I think of something or hear something insightful.
Well, the idea that stood out to me this evening, I don’t know where I heard it...and though I wrote about doo-doo last month, I promise I’m not usually so scatological in my thinking.
But really, how many drops of pee does it take to ruin a pot of soup?
Does one drop ruin it? Two? Twenty? Does it depend on who’s eating the soup?
Here are some related questions:
How many eye rolls does it take to demean your partner?
How many lost tempers does it take to disrespect your kid?
How many complaints to your colleagues does it take to undermine leadership effectiveness at work?
How much gossip does it take to ruin the way others think about someone you know?
How many lies does it take to be known as untrustworthy?
How many broken commitments to yourself does it take to undermine faith in yourself?
Consider that the right answer to all those questions is ONE.
If that’s the case, and it very well can be, then we’ve got some cleaning up to do.
Messes happen! We make mistakes! Maturity is when we clean up our messes and deal with our mistakes responsibly.
Go clean up your messes!
Here’s how:
“I’m sorry I lost my temper on you. You don’t deserve that. Those emotions are mine, not yours, and they say much more about me than they say about you. Yes, I want your behavior to improve, and I want you to know that my behavior needs to improve even more. Losing my temper on you disrespects you, and because I love you and respect you deeply, I never want to lose my temper on you again. I’m committed to doing whatever I can to transform this behavior.”
When we commit to cleaning up all our messes, our messes actually become something else entirely - they become beautiful opportunities for growth.
It's been so freaking clear in my life, and I see it reflected over and over in my clients, that making a mess in our lives becomes a golden opportunity for healing at an even deeper level.
The Japanese art of kintsugi (see picture below) embodies this philosophy beautifully - broken pottery is mended with a gold adhesive that makes this cracked pottery more valuable than it was originally.
Having made messes, we can get a sense of their impact. So once we clean up our messes, let's aim to live life more cleanly.
Here’s a cleaner way of looking at those questions above:
How much eye contact and clean listening does it take to love your partner?
How many calm and loving conversations does it take to respect your kid?
How many compassionate, straight, and understanding conversations does it take to support leadership at work?
How much standing up for others does it take to cultivate respect in your communities?
How many honest conversations does it take to be known as someone with integrity?
How many honored commitments to yourself does it take to build faith in yourself?
You know what you want. Now stop peeing in the soup.
And if/when you do pee in the soup, clean it up with some gold dust.
Much love. ❤️
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