Insights From a Back-To-School Photo

My wife posted to social media a back-to-school photo of me and our kids.

I cringed a little when I saw it. I thought (and felt!), “this is not a good picture of me!”

(According to that judgmental part of myself, most pictures of me aren’t good pictures.)

Then I remembered my practice - to tell myself in pictures and the mirror, “Hey, I love you.”

That’s how that cringe-worthy picture became beautiful to me - I decided to stop judging the man in it and decided to love him instead.

Here’s a question one might ask: Is it authentic to say “I love you” when I don’t really mean it?

Well, really mean it! Love isn’t a noun, something we have or don’t have. Love isn’t a feeling, something we feel or don’t feel.

Love is an act of the will. Love is a verb. Love is created from the most authentic part of ourselves, the Self.

The most direct access to love that I’ve found: generating it in my thoughts, in my speaking, and in my relating to others and the world around and within me.

In fact, judgment can be a gateway to love. Where I’m judging, I can release the judgment and love instead.

Judgment is a perception that we project onto the people and circumstances of our lives. Forgiveness is the releasing of that judgment, and love naturally moves in to take the judgment's place in our mind and heart.

First, notice the default, judgmental perception. Next, forgive or release it. Finally, create a loving way of perceiving.

When I looked at the picture, there was a default reaction in my mind (and being) that was judgmental and repelled by the image. I noticed and then allowed that reaction to move through, and then I created love in its wake.

For me, self-love has become a lifelong practice - it deepens my access to the love of others, since I'm practicing being loving both outwardly and inwardly. However, we can actually begin to powerfully transform the nature of our relationship to love in a single conversation.

During the 4-week intensive Engineering course I taught at Johns Hopkins this summer, I had a conversation with a group of curious students during lunch about my my life and soul coaching practice. At the end of the course a couple weeks later, one of those students came up to me and said this:

“I wanted you to know that since our conversation a few weeks ago, every time I look into a mirror I say 'I love you' to the person in the mirror.”

Then the student added, “I had no idea how much I really judged myself until I started this practice!”

Another student recently sent me this message:

"I wanted to thank you again for the group discussion we had about philosophy of life. It really moved me and inspired me to start living authentically right away. I've been loving a lot more and thought you'd like to know that conversation changed my life."

The power of a single, loving conversation. 🙏❤️

Uncovering the default and inherited stories and judgments we’ve got about ourselves and others - deep in our minds, hearts, and nervous systems - can be incredibly freeing and empowering. It needn’t be hard. It needn’t be dramatic. It needn’t be painful.

It’s called healing. It’s called integration. It’s called “returning to love.”

Why is it so easy to love our kids (most of the time) and our pets? Because we have few judgmental barriers between us and them.

We cannot love and judge at the same time. 

Choose.

The more we judge, the less we love.

The more we love, the less room there is for judgment.

Practice being loving, and practice being happy. Find your own inner trailheads into love and happiness.

It’s either that or judge.

It’s either that or live from fear and insecurity (which are the source of judgment, by the way).

Reach out to me and let's connect if you're having difficulty with this. It's the most important skill most of us have never learned.

Much Love. ❤️