Modeling Fulfillment

In addition to seasonal work, I’ve spent my summer months researching and studying my content areas to greater depths than I’d ever have to go with my students, just to be sure. Yet, when I’ve entered class in the fall or spring semester and said, “Hey! I’m not an expert in this material either, so we’re going to learn a lot together,” my feelings of insufficient expertise immediately turn into an opportunity to model curiosity, engagement, and effective learning.

Similarly, modeling being calm and patient is much more instructive to my own kids than my yelling at them to calm down and chill out (this happened just yesterday 🤦‍♂️).

A “do as I say, not as I do” approach is not the most effective instruction method, although it is much easier to talk about what a fulfilling life looks like than it is to experience and model a fulfilling life. But teachers could consistently model a fulfilling life, being in the zone, living in a state of flow.

Modeling particular behaviors, attitudes, responsibility, and integrity is very instructive, and it is more impactful than merely talking about those things (though talking about them is important too). The power of modeling is quite obvious in babies and toddlers who mimic expressions and actions, and this mirroring seems to effect humans throughout our lifespan, though to a lesser degree as we age.

I want all teachers able to connect with flow and to live in the zone at school - I want it for the teachers themselves, and I want it for them as a model for students. It needn't be a matter of luck that we get to live in the zone, to experience fulfillment, in our professional lives. It could be a matter of course, and it could be baked into our education system that students get access to it just as they’d get access to science and history.

Thanks so much for reading. ❤️

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It's Obvious to Me

My undergraduate degree is in Mechanical Engineering, and I worked briefly as an engineer before becoming a teacher. Occasionally, students will ask why I’m a teacher when I could be making much more money as an engineer. This question used to surprise me. Isn’t it obvious why I’m a teacher?

I enjoy it It’s important to me that I enjoy my work, and I enjoy most of my job as a teacher. I enjoy working with others, and I particularly enjoy working with adolescents. I also enjoy the need to think quickly of alternative approaches to support the various thinkers in the room, and I enjoy having meaningful conversations with others. I like that many of my tasks are an opportunity for engagement, creativity, reflection, and growth.

The experience of flow Whether I’m in class or talking among colleagues, I am nearly always experiencing a sense of ‘flow’, or ‘being in the zone,’ at work. Flow is “the state of total immersion in a task that is challenging yet closely matched to one’s abilities” (The Happiness Hypothesis, p. 95). For me, flow is an experience of coherence among all levels of my being: the physical (body), intellectual (mind), emotional (body/mind), and relational (social).

This overall experience is spiritual for me, like I am only a channel for something larger than myself, or an instrument being played by someone else within a grand, universal symphony. To quote Jonathan Haidt again, “Finding coherence across all levels feels like enlightenment” (The Happiness Hypothesis, p. 227)

The access to coherence and an experience of flow, in my experience, is two-fold: develop an authentic understanding of your fundamental nature (body, mind, and spirit), and align your actions and intentions with that understanding (in other words, build your integrity muscle).

It makes a difference More than a couple times when a student who’s asked that “why teach?” question, I’ve answered with, “If I ever find a job that makes a bigger difference in the world than teaching, I’ll stop teaching and pursue that job.” (This is only partly true, since it would also have to be a job that allows for enjoyment and flow too.)

Teaching is an enormous opportunity and responsibility to make a positive impact on the world. Though we aim to positively impact all of our students, I have a real and palpable experience of having contributed to the well-being of all life if I’ve positively impacted the well-being of even a single life in my classroom.

(Note: I’ve found it too easy as a teacher to confuse making a difference with promoting an agenda or an ideology. While it’s necessary for us to be grounded in values when we teach, these values should be aligned with the values stated explicitly by the school or in support of the intellectual and holistic flourishing of our students regardless of politics or worldview. There have been times when I have shared my views on politics, religion, or environmental crises with an intention to sway students’ views because I think my views are the right views, but that is not my role as an educator.)

Perhaps we could make it more obvious The assumption some of my students have made is that more money means that the career is a better fit. It's an easy mistake to make, particularly in a culture where we don't explicitly value enjoyment and coherence between self and profession. I think that our cultural value on salary as a priority isn't wrong, but it is missing vital components that support our well-being.

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The Opportunity of Acknowledgement

Today I made an advisee cry. I mean, not intentionally, but she still cried.

I let my advisory group know that I won’t be returning to our school next year, and I asked them whose advisory they’d like to join next. As all the other students left the call, one student stayed behind and seemed upset, and she wiped her eyes a few times.

Partly to keep myself from getting wet in the eyes too, partly to prevent an uncomfortable silence, and mostly because of the immense opportunity that presented itself, I acknowledged the student.

(a) I thanked her for her willingness to reach out to me, to visit me, and to express herself with me over the past three years. She’d visit during her breaks from class, and she’d share new and exciting or sad and frustrating events and occurrences. She’d ask for my advice, and she’d want me there as a support when she’d advocate for herself with her teachers.

(b) She is positive, thoughtful, and compassionate. She was willing to be trusting and honest with me. She was interested in fostering a positive and supportive relationship with someone who was once a stranger.

(c) She opened me up to a new world of what it is to be an advisor. I learned how to more effectively engage and support my advisees, and I’ve had a lot of fun and important conversations with them, and our relationships deepened, because of it.

Acknowledgement is a creative and powerful act, and it melts barriers and brings an experience of love. I really like acknowledging people, and I really like being acknowledged. There’s always something to acknowledge another for, even when it’s hard to think of something. (Usually, though, it’s pretty easy to find something.)

Acknowledgment begins with allowing ourselves to get inspired and moved by another person. (Already that makes it a gift we give ourselves too.) Then:

(a) Thank the person for an action. What, specifically, are the things the person has done that you’d like to acknowledge?

(b) Point out the qualities of the person that led to the actions they took. What is it about that person that likely led them to do what they did? What kind of person does something like what they did?

(c) Share the impact that the person's actions and qualities have had on you. What’s the impact on you of what they did and who they’ve been? How did you feel? What’s now possible for you?

(Pro tip: blend steps (a) and (b) together, even rearrange them, when actually acknowledging someone. It’s more natural that way.)

Acknowledgment is a skill we can all develop, and it’s a gift for both the receiver and the giver. When we acknowledge another, we tend to feel good, and for me at least, it helps me deepen my understanding, compassion, and love for others.

Acknowledge someone today, do it generously, and have it be a gift to them. (You'll also find that it's a gift to you too.)

Thanks so much for reading. ❤️

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I'm so grateful to the amazing coaches we worked with in Couples Coaching Couples (CCC) for nearly a decade. These acknowledgment steps were shared with us in one of CCC's workshops.

Thanks for joining me on this exploration/reflection! If you'd like to receive blog updates via email twice weekly, be sure to subscribe here.