"Oh Crap" Transformed

When I began my last job, I was excited for the first week during new teacher orientation. I was learning and growing, and the intriguing community was becoming a part of me. Then, sometime in the second week as existing teachers returned to school too and the busy-ness picked up, I had an “oh crap, what have I done?” moment. All of a sudden, the world darkened and I felt anxious that I’d made a mistake in changing schools.

That darkness eventually moved along, and over the next couple years at the school there was a lot of sunshine, periods of clouds, and occasional storms.

Switching schools again this summer, I had my first “oh crap, what have I done?” moment a couple days ago. The circumstances were that we were sitting in a meeting planning out a 3-day retreat for students that’s happening in a few weeks. It felt like we were going from one meeting to the next, and I wasn’t getting any closer to being prepared for my actual classes.

That “oh crap” moment turned into anxiety that lasted through the evening and into the morning. Then, with an insight during my morning routine (while reading this), my experience transformed.

The insight I had was that there was a thought underlying my feelings of anxiety, fear, and despair. The thought, “I made a mistake,” led directly to the emotions.

It wasn’t the circumstances of my decision or the new job at all that made me anxious. My feelings were solely wrapped up in my thinking, specifically a judgment, about the circumstances.

When I saw that it was just this thought underpinning my anxious experience, the feelings disappeared without effort. It wasn’t the decision to change jobs or the new job that was determining my emotions at all, it was just a thought. And suddenly I was reconnected to my life and not just my thinking about my life.

The feeling I’ve now got is one of being unshackled and free. From this place, the people at work are more lovable, the tasks are more enjoyable, and life is a lot brighter. The work will get done, and the anxiety is optional.

For me, this story is a reminder of three key aspects of our fundamental nature.

First, our circumstances are neutral - they're not good or bad - and they don’t give us our emotions. Circumstances are the facts, the what’s so. Circumstances are measurable in the physical world and what would hold up in a court of law. And the circumstances themselves carry no inherent significance. This is tough to see sometimes. The circumstances really do seem to carry significance! But they don't.

It is not Circumstances → Emotion.

Second, instead of our circumstances, it’s our thinking that gives us our emotions. Like screeching in fear at the stick we thought was a snake, “we live in the feeling of our thinking." If the circumstances are neutral, then it’s our thinking about them that gives us our emotions.

It is Circumstances → Thought → Emotion.

Third, the experience of insight is an experience of Truth. It's like glimpsing at heaven through a crack in the sky. It’s a candle in an otherwise pitch-black room. It's seeing the code behind the Matrix. Insight is a glimpse at truth, and it’s a truth that sets us free. Like an instance of pure joy, laughter, or ecstasy, insight gives us a direct experience of our spiritual nature.

When I had this insight, it occurred to me that perhaps there's no such thing as mistakes. Maybe mistakes only exist in our descriptions, our language, our thinking. While I could've heard or read this perspective on mistakes, having an insight into the nature of this "mistake" experience for myself allowed me to see the wisdom in it.

You see, insight is not positive thinking. It really is a glimpse at Truth, and while others can share and guide us to it, only we can see it for ourselves.

Thanks so much for engaging with my work. ❤️

Magnetic Characteristics

What’s in the magnetism of a good teacher, a good friend, a good colleague, a good neighbor?

Presence of mind. When they’re with me physically they’re with me mentally. While we're engaging with each other, they're engaging their full being and attention.

Listening. They’re hearing all of it - the words I speak, the emotions behind words, and the commitment behind the emotions. Then they think about it. (4 Levels of True Listening.)

Authentic self-expression. They’re honest in their thoughtful and heartful response - honest both to me and themselves. It doesn’t take much to express cynicism or criticism, and that’s not what I mean by authentic self-expression. I mean expressing ourselves from our core, beneath the thinking that gives us cynicism, criticism, and resignation. Authentic self-expression is a window into a person’s deeper passions and commitments, their hopes and intentions, and it comes from the heart as well as the mind.

Integrity. I can trust what they’re saying, and there's wisdom in their perspective.

Compassion. They care about me, and this is obvious in their listening, facial expressions, stance, and eye contact.

Acknowledgement. They let me know that they heard me. They let me know, in one way or another, that I’m worthy of their time and attention. Whether they include these steps or not, the feeling of creative acknowledgment is present.

Fun. They’re at ease, and they’re enjoying their time with me.

Generosity. The entire list above is a very generous way to be with another. True listening is the gift of our thorough attention. Authentic self-expression is the generous sharing of ourselves. Compassion is a gift to whomever we’re giving it, whether they recognize it or not, and it’s also generous to ourselves.

When I put all those characteristics together, what stands out to me is that this person loves being alive and loves people.

What would you add to that list? How would you describe the person overall?

We don’t need to understand the physics of magnets to know that they work. Similarly, we don’t have to know why the above magnetic traits work in order to know that they do work. We can foster and become them regardless of our understanding of neurochemistry, psychology, sociology, and physiology. It’s enough to know that they do work.

It’s also helpful to remember that magnetism is a two-directional force. When magnets are turned one way, they’re attracted to each other; when they’re turned another way, they’re repelled from each other.

Thanks so much for the generous gift of your time, attention, and thoughtfulness in engaging with my work. ❤️

There's Just One Thing to Do

We wrapped up new teacher orientation yesterday at school. There’s a large group of teachers who are new to the school and a few teachers who are new to teaching completely. We all come to the job with our unique backgrounds, our present life circumstances, and our hopes, fears, and insecurities about the future. Somehow, hopefully, we align ourselves with the school mission and ethos and we get the job done.

Not every school does this well. Some schools have highly qualified teachers but no clear and unifying cohesion. Perhaps the school’s mission or ethos isn’t present, isn’t clear, or is simply ignored.

We wrapped up our day yesterday with a final Q&A. “Where’s that room?” “What do I do if…?” “What can I expect from…?”

And it became so crystal clear to me why I’m on this mission to bring to teachers and students transformational self-understanding: when we’re present and engaged with the people we’re with, and when we’re speaking, listening, and acting from relaxed well-being, we’re getting the job done as well as we possibly can.

When we’re coming from relaxed well-being, we’re better able to live from our authentic self and integrity as educators.

Our authentic self, what Parker Palmer calls our identity as an educator, is the source of our honest self-expression, interest, passion, commitment, enjoyment, and insight. It’s that part of us that gets activated in class and we become fully alive and in the zone as educators.

Our integrity is our honest, reflective, trustworthy, and present awareness and action. Integrity means authentically engaging with our whole experience, not just our thinking. Integrity also means honoring and respecting the sacredness of the life within ourselves and each other, as well as the word we’ve given ourselves and others. (3 Steps to Living with Integrity.)

This post is about teachers, but the message is true for all of us: Living with integrity from our authentic self is all we ever need to do. It’s our access to living in the zone, it feels good, and it gets the job done well.

The questions for many of us, though, are What is our authentic self?, How do we access it?, and How do we live with integrity?

Read on through this blog, since that’s what I’m usually writing about, and it’s also the focus of my workshops and coaching.

In the meantime, relax those lovely muscles of yours, bring attention to your breathing and the life within and around you, and foster trust that you’ve got everything you need right now.

There’s no figuring things out when it comes to our authentic self. It’s already there - just quiet the distractions enough to let it come through. And when it comes to integrity, there’s no need to push, but don’t hold back from acting and expressing yourself fully, compassionately, and honestly.

Thanks for reading. ❤️