19 years ago, I sought coaching for something I was struggling with. The situation was hard, stressful, and anxiety-producing. I couldn't see my way out of it.
The coach asked me a very powerful question: “What are you committed to?”
Nothing came to mind. At least on the surface, I couldn’t tell that I was committed to anything.
“I’m not committed to anything.”
That’s why I had no power.
Some people don’t like the word power. Power in the way I use it doesn’t mean force. It doesn’t mean power over someone or something. It doesn’t mean domination.
Power, as I use it, is the ability to honor our commitments. Power is aligning all levels of my being - mind, heart, body, spirit, actions, relationships - intentionally, in service of my commitments.
It’s no wonder why I was struggling, stressed, anxious, and exhausted. I had no power because I had no clear commitments and no integrity in honoring the commitments I did have in the background.
The truth was that I did have commitments - commitments of the spirit. I just wasn’t present to them, aware of them, or intentional about them at all.
I was blowing in the wind.
When we're not living from our commitments, we're living from our default intentions.
Intentions are our objectives or purpose. They are the background for all our actions. ALL actions are taken with intentions in the background. ALWAYS. Mostly, we’re oblivious to the intentions guiding our actions. This is living from the default.
You see, we are always intending something. We’re just not usually conscious of what we’re intending.
We yell at our kids too often. We gossip about our boss and colleagues. We complain about our spouse. We judge others’ behavior and make them wrong.
Here are the default intentions for human beings:
To be liked
To look good or avoid looking bad
To prove we’re better (or worse!) than others
To be right
To win this argument
To dominate or avoid domination
To make it
They’re how we show up a lot of the time.
Our created intentions, however, align with our commitments, our aspirations, our values - our ‘why.’ Created intentions are what people mean by "live intentionally."
Created intentions are our access to fulfilling our commitments.
The quality of our lives can never be any better than the intentions we’re living from.
Think of the different areas of your life: maybe work, home, marriage, children, religion, spirituality, hobbies, health, fitness, diet, etc. In each of these areas, you have commitments. Sometimes the commitments aren’t obvious even to you, but you can find them if you look.
When our actions are guided by created intentions, we're honoring our commitments.
So how do we live more powerfully in our lives? By living from our created intentions instead of our default intentions.
First, get clear on what you’re committed to. Then, be intentional in how you show up in honor of these commitments.
That’s one definition of integrity, by the way: aligning our intentions with our commitments.
Much love. 🙏❤️
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