His jaw literally dropped. He was speechless.
We were a few hours into last week’s Mind Mastery Experience, and this participant saw something he'd never seen before.
He wants friendships and community, but he wasn’t being real with people. His default behavior was exactly what was preventing him from getting what he wanted.
We want love in our marriages, but we continue to get defensive and blame the other.
We want collaboration in our workplaces, but we gossip and complain.
We want health and well-being, but we binge junk food and media.
We want authentic relationships, but we people-please.
This part is obvious: our actions are often opposed to our values and work against them.
Less obvious: our actions are opposed to our values because at some level we think they’ll help. (They don’t.)
When all is calm and quiet in the village, we sit around at ease, laughing, chatting, and eating. When the intruder alarm goes off, however, many of us feel a momentary vulnerability and fear that quickly transmutes into adrenaline-fueled defensiveness. We grab our swords and then rush to the village border and attack our intruders.
It’s one thing if our village is being attacked, it’s another thing if our spouse talks to us unkindly, our boss isn't being transparent, or we have a commitment that we don't feel like honoring.
We justify our anger, our inauthenticity, and our habitual avoidance by speaking about them as defenses. But they’re more than defense. They’re offense. They're an attack. We're attacking others and we're attacking ourselves, subconsciously looking to inflict harm.
We attack our spouses. We attack our kids. We attack our neighbors. We attack our bodies and we attack our minds. And then we inaccurately justify it as self-defense.
Now, dear reader, you might be thinking, “Yes. I know that I’m the one preventing myself from getting what I’m looking for. This isn’t new!” If this is you, I have good news.
We've got a bad habit that keeps us stuck. It's a habit of mind and we can change it.
It's a habit of judging everything. This is one of the habitual behaviors that prevent you (and me) from getting what we really want.
The mind has no will of its own. Judgments have no will of their own. We are the ones with a will to apply, and where we apply our will makes ALL the difference.
So let the judgment and analysis machine do its thing - and you do your thing. Intentionally. Compassionately. Forgivingly. Lovingly. Unconditionally.
If you want peace, cultivate peace. If you want love, cultivate love. If you want friends, cultivate friendship. And cultivate all those things in the mind, in the heart, and in the body. Then, cultivate them in your relationships too.
Let's stop lying to ourselves, and let's get real about what our actions are really aimed toward.
Then, let's realign our actions with what really matters to us.
Thanks so much for reading. ❤️