What is it about You?

I had a conversation with one of my nephews about a year ago. It was a nice check-in that lasted about an hour. At the end of it, he thanked me for the conversation and said that he appreciated the wisdom that I shared with him. I’ve never been so clear that wisdom has little to do with what’s spoken and much to do with what’s heard.

So I thanked him for being so open and engaged that he saw insights for himself in the conversation.

Now let’s look at it through the teacher-student lens:

I like talking with students about their favorite teacher. Who’s your favorite teacher this semester? Why? Who’s your favorite teacher of all time? Why?

Most of us can come up with an answer or two pretty quickly; these great teachers just stand out to us. They made an impact on us. And, it’s likely that there were students in the exact same class who can barely even remember the teacher or who certainly wouldn’t call this teacher their favorite. So what’s the difference?

The difference is you.

As Parker Palmer suggests in The Courage to Teach, the initial question is, What made your teacher great? The second question, though, opens a different door: What was it about you that allowed great teaching to happen?

Spend a couple minutes yourself and think about one of your favorite teachers. What made that teacher great? What was it about you that allowed great teaching to happen?

Education (in school) happens within the context of a student-teacher relationship. The nature of this relationship affects the learning that can occur.

This sounds a lot like the rest of life too, doesn’t it? Our relationships affect our experience, our effectiveness, and our enjoyment. And all your relationships require at least two people, one of whom is always you...

What is it about the people around you that will allow you to thrive today?

What is it about you that will allow those relationships to thrive today?

Have a lovely day. ❤️

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A Partial List of Life Skills

In a conversation today with two other educators, we developed a list of some of the most important skills for high school students to develop. I think the following list, though not exhaustive, is a good start. These are important skills for all of us to develop, even us adults, and it’s not too late.

Communication Communication is an exchange of thoughts, and new ideas and thinking are able to arise within conversations. The skill of effective communication has two parts: clearly articulating our thinking to others, in written and spoken forms; authentically listening to another’s communication, which requires the ability to put aside our own judgments, ideas, and analyses. When we're truly listening, we hear what's said and what's unsaid - the emotion, the experience, the commitment behind what's said - and not just our own thinking about a couple things actually spoken. I believe that anything is possible in communication.

Habits Yes, we are creatures of habit, all of us. Nearly everything we do is based in habit, so forming positive habits and freeing ourselves from negative ones is an important access to experiencing physical, emotional, intellectual, and spiritual well-being.

Integrity Starting on time, ending on time, doing what we said we would do by when we said we would do it and at the quality level that’s expected from us - that’s integrity. Also, being clear, honest, and early in communication when we know we’re not going to be able to keep our word or that we’ve already broken it. (A previous post: 3 Steps to Living With Integrity.)

Logical thinking and emotional intelligence Decisions and actions needn’t be made solely based on logic and reason, as if we’re Vulcan. However, they needn’t be made solely on emotion either. We can learn to develop the skill of logical thinking, and we can learn to detach, at whatever level we're comfortable and interested, our emotions from decisions too. Distinguishing our emotions is a fundamental requirement here.

Psychological flexibility One of the people in our conversation today said this one, and I like it a lot. We bump into hurdles and we experience failure, and building resilience is a helpful way to relax, regroup, and get moving again regardless of the circumstances.

Time management

This morning I read the following in The ONE Thing: "Someone once told me that one 'yes' must be defended over time by 1,000 'nos.'" I read a very similar idea in a different book, The Coaching Habit, a few weeks ago: "A yes is nothing without the no that gives it boundaries and form."

There are certainly more (like responsibility, compassion, relaxation, humility, confidence, passion, purpose, meaning, peace of mind, and others), but even these alone were a lot of fun to discuss.

Imagine a world where adolescents and young adults (as well as all the rest of us!) have access to the freedom and security of those skills above. They might just be prerequisites for a world that works for all people and all life.

A more challenging follow-up consideration, though: how and when and where and by whom should students be taught these lessons? School, Church, family, sports? School is a common factor in all our kids' lives, and in my experience it's ripe for this transformation. That's where I think we should focus.

Thanks for reading. ❤️

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The Upside to a Kick in the Shin

I taught at my first school for five years. It was the high school that I attended as a student, an engineering and science public magnet school in Baltimore City.

In my first couple years teaching, I taught around 240 different students each year. I taught around 150 students each day. I would have students who just took my class the previous semester say hello to me in the hallway, and I would sometimes struggle to remember their name (I’d think back to where they sat in the classroom, then picture my roster, then get to the name) - I’d remember faces, but not always the names.

After I accepted a new job, at some point I informed my own students, and word got around. There was a girl I taught in her 9th grade year whom I barely saw in school over the next couple years. In the late winter of her 11th grade year, after she heard that I was leaving, she came to visit me in my office with a couple other students. While her two friends expressed sadness that I was leaving, she was angry and even kicked me: “How can you leave us, right before our senior year?!”

I had little idea that this particular student even remembered that she took my class, let alone that it or I mattered so much to her. And it did matter to her, more than I could really even understand; I mean, how could she be upset about my leaving?

Teaching is an immense opportunity, and it’s also an immense responsibility. How many times each day to I unknowingly give a student a hurtful look, say something insensitive off the cuff, mishear, misunderstand, or misrepresent them? Likewise, how many kids each year do I awaken to something they’d never seen before, inspire in a way they’d never felt before, or acknowledge, respect, or grant space and expression without even noticing that I’m doing it?

My vision is that teachers understand and own the foundation of their experience so that they can most effectively, clearly, and enjoyably engage the full potential and possibility of students. My intention for students is that they grow and master their capacity for authentic, supportive, and mutually beneficial relationships. Humanity and our societies need this awakening.

A downside might be a shin that aches for a couple hours, but the upside is a kid awakened to something about themselves that they’ll never forget.️

Thanks for reading. ❤️

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Thanks for joining me on this exploration/reflection! If you'd like to receive blog updates via email twice weekly, be sure to subscribe here.