Not Saying It Out Loud, but Still Saying It

What is it you’re not saying out loud, but still saying?

You’re saying something with your body language and your tone.

You’re saying something in the friends you keep, the people you live with, the colleagues you hang around.

You’re saying something even when you’re saying something else.

We are always communicating something, even when we think we aren’t.

And people are always interpreting what we’re saying, especially when we’re not saying it out loud.

If we’re not even clear what it is we’re communicating, how can we be surprised when others make assumptions about us?

Here’s the opportunity in the fact that we’re always communicating something: to be intentional.

Intentional in my tone. Intentional in my body language. Intentional in my relationships.

Where does our intentionality begin?

"What you perceive is communicated always. You do it with the [clothes] that you place upon the body. You do it with your gestures and the sound of your voice... What you are choosing to perceive, believe and accept as true will be radiated through you." The Way of Mastery

Our intentionality begins in how we direct our will in our thinking.

Intentional in my thoughts about others, and intentional in my thoughts about myself.

Intentional in my thoughts about the past, and intentional in my thoughts about the future.

The fact that we’re always communicating doesn’t need to be stressful or overwhelming. In fact, it can be quite liberating. 

People will always interpret in their own way what we’re saying and how we’re showing up, often regardless of what we intend.

And so if we’re intentional about what we say and how we’re showing up, we get to be clear and grounded in what’s accurate for us. 

We can let others take it however they take it, and keep checking in with ourselves on our integrity and intentions.

Let's be intentional about the seeds we plant in the garden of our mind, our heart, our body, our relationships, and our souls. Those seeds grow into the communications we give, whether we say them out loud or not.

Much Love. ❤️

Opening the Mind up to Possibilities

Last weekend I began preparing for a Mind Mastery event I’m leading at a school in a couple weeks. The first thing I did was review feedback from teen participants from previous events. 

Here’s some of that feedback. I invite you to hear the wisdom in these statements, and consider how it might apply or make a difference in your life:

”I feel like I've awakened to my own life.”

“It opened my mind up to possibilities.”

“I gained a greater insight into my life.”

“This class was probably the most beneficial event of my life.”

“I am in control of what I want.”

“I’m right where I need to be.”

“I don’t need a reason or a purpose to do what inspires me.”

“I’m committed to the idea that this is practice.”

“Getting mad in the car stays in the car, like a fart with closed windows.”

“My inner songs really should be sung.”

“This is so applicable for everyone.”

“People I thought were my opposition actually make it clearer to me what I feel is important, what I value, and how I want to treat people. All people are a gift to me!”

"Ever since the Mind Mastery Experience, I've been laying in my bed at night in perfect peace and oneness."

“I’m not taking things personally like I used to. I have a lot more peace of mind and room for people to be however they are.”

“Maintaining my integrity would involve paying attention to my true self, primary emotions, guiding values.”

"The strengths of this conversation was that it really got me to open up and I felt completely safe the whole time."

“The day after the MME, I had a really terrible set of circumstances in the morning. Just because I had bad circumstances doesn’t meant mean it’s a bad day. I took some time to myself and applied some of our principles and tools, and it ended up being a really great day.”

“We have an inner toddler, and the toddler isn’t the problem - it’s all about how we react to the toddler.”

Which of those statements resonate most with you?

Much Love. ❤️

Authenticity OR Connection?

My first job out of college was working as an engineer with an environmental consulting firm. While on a trip to Puerto Rico for work, my manager told me we shouldn't be more than 90-95% ourselves at work.

Most of us, subconsciously, often grapple with how authentic we're willing and able to be. It can show up as holding back by not expressing our honest thoughts and feelings - people pleasing, getting stuck in a persona, imposter syndrome, and other ways.

There's an inherent fear for many of us in being authentic. "Should I let this person know what I really think, feel, or want??? What if they won't like me afterward?"

The reason most of us fear being authentic is because we don't want to lose connection or even possible connection. We want to be liked, to be accepted, to be supported, to be loved.

Most of us are willing to sacrifice being authentic in order to be connected, and we do this throughout our lives.

Our two fundamental needs starting at birth are authenticity and connection.

Authenticity is honestly expressing the self and being known. Connection is loving, supportive, and accepting relationships with others.

When we’re very young, we instinctually know that our existence depends on the support of the people around us. We need that connection.

So when our parents get mad, or shocking or confusing things happen to us, most of us decide to sacrifice our authenticity in order to maintain connection. 

Many of us become good boys and girls, holding our real opinions and feelings back so we don’t hurt feelings, get people mad or disappointed, and lose the connection.

Others of us become intentionally rebellious or opinionated, hiding our vulnerabilities and insecurities behind an arrogance still built on a sense that we're inherently not enough just as we are.

Since most of us never learned how to be authentic and maintain healthy, loving connections with others, we continue grappling with our internal GPS that wants to be authentically expressed while being afraid of losing or damaging relationships that matter to us.

So many of us continue to be inauthentic - inwardly fearful, watchful, and insecure while outwardly fine and dandy.

(Ever notice how much energy it takes to manage being inauthentic? That inner dissonance, and the dissonance it creates in our relationships, has an energetic/emotional cost, and it can make our mind move in a frenzy.)

Others of us become intentionally outspoken or righteous, to battle that tendency to be dishonest, and we sacrifice connection and care that we’re actually still wanting. 

Most of us have been making the choice between authenticity and connection our entire lives, and we've worked the muscle of selling out on our authenticity to maintain a mediocre, threadbare connection.

As little kids, we don’t have a choice: most of us chose to sacrifice authenticity in order to maintain connection. 

As adults, however, we do have a choice. 

But the choice is not limited authenticity OR connection. We can choose authenticity AND connection. 

Choosing authenticity AND connection takes practice, intentionality, and courage. 

Choosing authenticity AND connection honors our fundamental needs, it honors us, and it honors others. 

Let’s be aware of the choice we’re making, and choose it more intentionally. 

As we heal and integrate those scared and separate parts of ourselves, greater authenticity, connection, peace, and joy become possible. Healing and integration towards authenticity and authentic connection is the nature of my work.

Much Love. ❤️