No One Is Worthy of This

No one is worthy of my judgment, and everyone is worthy of my love.

It's so easy to judge.

We're so quick to do it.

We're so practiced at it.

We're so good at it!

Did you know that we use judgment as a means to keep ourselves safe? Physically, psychologically, socially, and emotionally. Judgment is a technique we use to protect ourselves.

The thing is, most of us aren't in danger as much as our primitive brains think we are.

Yet we continue feeding our relationships with judgmental resentment.

We feed our minds with limiting self-judgments.

We feed our actions with resignation and cynicism based on some judgment of how things are, how they aren't, how they used to be, and how they should be.

And we do all of that to keep ourselves safe from a tiger that isn't there.

Even my own kids - gorgeous, compassionate, and much more generous than I have been most of my life - I can be so judgmental of them sometimes.

Judgment has no place in making a difference with others. Kids are not worthy of any of it - adults aren't worthy of it either.

No one is worthy of my judgment, and everyone is worthy of my love.

Every. Single. Time. that I transform my judgments into love, I elevate my state of being and more positively impact the people in my life.

Our judgments are gateways to love. We don’t have to “overcome” our judgments. We certainly don’t want to judge them. Turning our judgments into opportunities to love is our access to peace, freedom, joy, and empowerment.

Am I being judgmental, or am I being loving? I can't be both at the same time.

What impact might it have on your life if you were able to turn even just some of your judgments into love?

Thanks so much for reading. 🙏❤️

P.S. As a transformational coach, I help people move beyond their self-imposed limitations to live their best lives and feel amazing. If you’re interested in finding out how I can support you, reach out and let’s talk. 💌

We're in Training

Here’s what we were taught: achieve success, and then you’ll be happy and satisfied.

So…

• We worked hard enough in school.

• We worked hard enough at our jobs.

• We worked hard enough at being good people.

• Sure, we cut corners here and there, but we still cared and we’ve always had a good heart.

So why aren’t we happy and satisfied? Why haven’t we “made it” yet?

The boys were getting haircuts today and there was a TV on in the barbershop. The Orioles had just won and the head coach was being interviewed.

Professional athletes take their sports so seriously! Year-round training. Year-round evaluation. Year-round improvement. Year-round coaching. They’re professionals, and that’s how professionals show up.

We take our lives seriously too, but for some reason we don’t think of ourselves in training. We think we should have "made it" by now. We think the training ended in high school or college. We think the training ended when we got out on our own. We think the training ended when we achieved this or that “success.”

But there’s never any “making it” in this life. We’re in year-round training, whether we like it or not.

Have you been showing up to your training? Taking care of your body? Taking care of your mind? Taking care of your emotions, your spirit, your relationships?

Staying “in shape” - physically, mentally, emotionally, socially, and spiritually - it takes something. Being our best - it takes something. It takes training.

It's the game I'm in for myself and my clients: we’re in training to be our best in all the areas of life that matter to us.

What does the top NBA team do after they win the championships and celebrate a little bit? They get back to training.

What does the top NFL team do after they win the Super Bowl and celebrate a little bit? They get back to training.

What does the top MLB team do after they win the World Series and celebrate a little bit? They get back to training.

There’s no “making it” in this game of life - not when you’re committed to showing up and being your best.

Being our best takes something. Yes, please relax and enjoy the ride as much as possible. But keep showing up for training.

Thanks so much for engaging with my work. 🙏❤️

P.S. As a transformational coach, I help people move beyond their self-imposed limitations to live their best lives and feel amazing. If you’re interested in finding out how I can support you, reach out and let’s talk. 💌

Intention Deficit Disorder

Among the increasing numbers of kids and teens being diagnosed with attention deficit and hyperactivity disorder, ADHD, many of us have friends in their 30s, 40s, 50s, and 60s being similarly diagnosed.

What we don’t talk about, though, is that nearly all of us have Intention Deficit Disorder*.

We’re mostly living our lives from default intentions. Intentions like:

• Avoid looking bad

• Avoid negative attention

• Avoid being taken advantage of

• Avoid getting hurt

• Avoid being controlled

• Avoid responsibility

• Please others

• Be liked

• Protect ourselves

• Be a good guy or gal

• Make it through…the meeting, the morning, the day, the week, the year

These are intentions we’ve Inherited from family and culture or they’re intentions coded into our DNA, like the intention to survive and the intention to reproduce.

A teacher does not teach a class without having specific objectives to cover. That same teacher, however, will drive home and live out a default intention of defensiveness with his own family.

When we’re living our lives from these default intentions, we’re living a default life.

Especially in the areas of life that matter most to us, we are not being nearly as intentional as we can be, and this has real consequences for us and the people in our lives.

When we’re faced with challenges in relationships, motivation, effectiveness, and happiness, there’s nearly always an Intention Deficit Disorder at play.

Intentions are the link between how we’re showing up and how we’d love to show up.

This message is so simple, but we allow our amygdala and mental conditioning to toss our intentionality out the window at the first sign of a "threat" (the vast majority of "threats" we experience are illusions made up by our safety-seeking brain).

The good news is that if living from default intentions means we’re living a default life, then living from created intentions means we’re living a created life.

"Build a life, don't try to make a living."

Steve Chandler in Reinventing Yourself.

For example, as I've been more and more intentional to be unconditionally loving in my life, I've uncovered layers of growth available in my ability to love and support my wife and kids. I thought I had those relationships in life "handled," but my commitment has shown me how in so many ways I live default intentions that result in selfishness, judgment, and criticism. After the initial feeling of shame about it, I get back to work living my created intention of being unconditionally loving, and that then becomes the life I get to live.

Here are two aspects to living a created and intentional life:

1. Be intentional in all things by creating specific intentions for your commitments and activities.

2. Be intentional in how you show up by directing your thinking, actions, and being towards fulfilling your created intentions.

My favorite definition of integrity: aligning our intentions with our commitments.

While ADHD may be a neurobiological 'disorder,' Intention Deficit Disorder isn't - this 'disorder' is a matter of creativity, willingness, and intentionality.

Thanks so much for engaging with my work. 🙏❤️

P.S. As a transformational coach, I help people move beyond their self-imposed limitations to live their best lives and feel amazing. If you’re interested in finding out how I can support you, reach out and let’s talk. 💌

* I'm borrowing "Intention Deficit Disorder" from a chapter title in Steve Chandler's book, Reinventing Yourself. Steve's chapter is specifically about the negative impact of the resentment-inducing use of "should" and its synonyms.